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Thread: How would you feel? Take 2

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    Moderator purplekitty's Avatar
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    How would you feel? Take 2

    The other thread has me thinking of a few other scenarios...

    1. If your son (25) was dating a woman his own age. Both financially secure. Neither married before. Seem to like each other quite a bit. They decide to marry.



    2. If your son (25) was married to someone his own age and they decided to start a family. Both financially secure.



    3. If your son (25) decided to adopt a child and raise the child as a single parent? He's financially secure.


    4. If your son (25) was dating someone 13 years older? Both financially secure. Neither married before. Seem to like each other quite a bit. (ETA: oops! this was the original that I pasted here as an example and forgot to take back out, so I guess I'll keep it in.)

  2. #2
    Heartless Wench Alice Chalmers's Avatar
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    1) delighted
    2) delighted
    3) extremely concerned
    4) concerned

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    If you bring the monkey, I'm leaving puppylove's Avatar
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    Delighted for all 4 (hopefully for #3 they have a good support network. Single parenting is difficult).


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    Moderator purplekitty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alice Chalmers View Post
    1) delighted
    2) delighted
    3) extremely concerned
    4) concerned
    You're not concerned that they might realize later that they shouldn't have married, or not had children or something? I mean, that does happen. I really do not get the inconsistency with your answers. I'm not trying to be a jerk either, ftr. Why extremely concerned about adopting and raising a child?

    Quote Originally Posted by puppylove View Post
    Delighted for all 4 (hopefully for #3 they have a good support network. Single parenting is difficult).
    Same. And yes. I found that out myself. But I would do it again in a heartbeat!

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    Heartless Wench Alice Chalmers's Avatar
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    Adoption is not all kittens and roses.

    You may think I'm being inconsistent. I do not. Getting married and having children is a very normal course of human events. Whenever there is significant deviation I would be concerned. It is very strange to me to assert that I should not experience concern.

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    Moderator purplekitty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alice Chalmers View Post
    Adoption is not all kittens and roses.
    Parenting, in general, is not all kittens and roses.

    Quote Originally Posted by Alice Chalmers View Post
    You may think I'm being inconsistent. I do not. Getting married and having children is a very normal course of human events. Whenever there is significant deviation I would be concerned. It is very strange to me to assert that I should not experience concern.
    Yes, I do think it's strange to experience concern for things that are very normal course of human events, which all of these are. That some things are more difficult than others doesn't change that fact.

    Over one-third of adoptions are single parent adoptions. Not a significant deviation. In fact, quite the opposite.

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    Heartless Wench Alice Chalmers's Avatar
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    The process of adoption is extremely different from the process of getting pregnant and giving birth.

    Adopting as a single 25 year old is quite unusual. So is a 25 year old man seriously dating a 38 year old woman. I would have concerns about both.

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    Moderator purplekitty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alice Chalmers View Post
    The process of adoption is extremely different from the process of getting pregnant and giving birth.
    Yes, again, I'm well aware.

    Quote Originally Posted by Alice Chalmers View Post
    Adopting as a single 25 year old is quite unusual. So is a 25 year old man seriously dating a 38 year old woman. I would have concerns about both.
    Interesting. Thanks for answering my questions! I still don't get it, but enjoyed the chat and different perspective.

  9. #9
    Vicious Trollop Kimm's Avatar
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    I hope my boys wait till their late 20s or so to get married. It's not anything set in stone, but most of the men I have known have not been ready to get married really young. A lot of the women I have known haven't either.

    So I would be concerned that they were getting married to anyone at 25. Not MAJORLY concerned and not enough to say anything, but I would be a bit concerned.

    As far as the age difference, for some reason that seems strange to me and I am married to a man who is 10 years older than me. I guess I have just experienced that I was VERY mature, very early and I never wanted to date any guys my own age when I was a teen or early 20s. They seemed incredibly childish for the most part. Unless my son was incredibly different and extremely mature, I would seriously wonder what a 38 year old woman would see when she looked at him.

    With that said, again, I might think it, but I would keep my mouth shut. I know what happens when parents get all vocal about their concerns. Um, my inlaws were oh so concerned about me not being good enough for DH. Because of the nasty shit they said, they have almost no relationship with us or our kids. We see them maybe 5 times a year. We live 10 minutes away. For that reason, I am very aware of how easily bridges can be burned by those vocal concerns and how hard it can be to ever fix it.

    I am raising my kids to be strong and smart and capable and, at a certain point, I have to let it go and trust their judgement.

    The adoption would shock me because both of my kids are vocal about having zero interest in having children. Again though, I would support them.

  10. #10
    Full Sponsor maurinsky's Avatar
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    I think 25 is too young to get married, but I know from experience that I would keep my mouth shut and hope for the best, because Siobhan was 23 and Jason was 25 when they got married. And I think it's going smashingly well and I hope it continues for the rest of their lives.

    I, of course, am a complete hypocrite because I got married at 19.

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