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Thread: How would you feel? Take 2

  1. #11
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    1.My almost 25 year old son is getting married in November. He will turn 25 in October. His bride to be is 21. They have been dating for 4 years, living together for 2, are both employed, stable, and mature. I am excited for them.

    2. I am hoping they wait a few years to start a family. But I will be very excited to be a grandmother when they are ready.

    3- I would wonder what his hurry was, but would take in on a case by case basis as far as my concern level went.

    4. First marriage for them both? Less concerned. Multiple marriages for her (2 or more before him), I would be pretty concerned and wary. Same if it was my 25 year old daughter marrying a 38 year old man.

  2. #12
    HI! Wise Old Goat's Avatar
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    The only thing that would give me pause is the 25 year old scenarios starting a family - and not even a huge pause - I would just want him to have done all his fun pre-kid stuff YKWIM? I know lots and lots of people who have had kids at 25 or younger with no regrets - but I'd like him to live a few years of adult hood before doing the kid thing.

    My SIL had her first at 25 and her justification was that her kids would be adults when she was in her mid-40's but then she screwed it up and had a second wave of kids in her 30's So she's 49 and her youngest is 12 - so she will have a kid under 18 from the time she was 25 until she's in her mid-50's

    My niece just got married - she's 23 and he's 25. They've been together for a very long time and are a lovely couple and I'm really happy for them.

  3. #13
    Turtle killer STLouisMom9800's Avatar
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    1. If your son (25) was dating a woman his own age. Both financially secure. Neither married before. Seem to like each other quite a bit. They decide to marry.
    My only concern would be if that was his first serious girlfriend. I kind of think you should have a few serious relationships before marrying, so you have a better idea of what you do and don't want in a partner and relationship.

    2. If your son (25) was married to someone his own age and they decided to start a family. Both financially secure.
    I think it's a little young, enjoy life first a little bit, but I wouldn't object either.

    3. If your son (25) decided to adopt a child and raise the child as a single parent? He's financially secure.
    I would want to understand why he was thinking of adopting at such a young age, that just seems like an odd thing to do. But ultimately, if that was the path he chose and he was mature and financially secure, why not?


    4. If your son (25) was dating someone 13 years older? Both financially secure. Neither married before. Seem to like each other quite a bit.
    My main concern would be children, if he thought he wanted to have them. 38 isn't geriatric but it might be more difficult for a 38yo woman to get pregnant.

  4. #14
    HI! Wise Old Goat's Avatar
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    Dh is my first serious relationship . He'd had long term girlfriends before me but I don't really consider a girl you dated from 16-19 as a "serious" relationship

  5. #15
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    My SIL had her first at 25 and her justification was that her kids would be adults when she was in her mid-40's but then she screwed it up and had a second wave of kids in her 30's
    I had my first at 22, (and thought I was SO old) my second at 24, and my third at 32. I will tell you that my body sure didn't bounce back after the third as well as it did after the other two, lol. I was the pinterest mom with the older two, was involved in every activity, PTO, band parents, etc. Now, I ask who they want me to write the check to, and leave it to the young parents, haha. He is 14, I am 47, and after spending all day every day with 25 kindergartners, I just don't have the energy.

  6. #16
    Wishes reality was like comic books tpatt100's Avatar
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    Hardly anybody I know that got married in their 20's is still married. I am a very different person now compared to when I was in my 20's.
    Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't recognize them.


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  7. #17
    Vicious Trollop Kimm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by deeniereenie View Post
    I had my first at 22, (and thought I was SO old) my second at 24, and my third at 32. I will tell you that my body sure didn't bounce back after the third as well as it did after the other two, lol. I was the pinterest mom with the older two, was involved in every activity, PTO, band parents, etc. Now, I ask who they want me to write the check to, and leave it to the young parents, haha. He is 14, I am 47, and after spending all day every day with 25 kindergartners, I just don't have the energy.
    Mine are only three years apart, but I can tell you that the second pregnancy was so hard on me. I had the first at 27. It was literally a breeze. Easy pregnancy. I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight at the 6 week check up. Easy all around.

    I had the second at 30. Three years can make a difference. That pregnancy was a nightmare from start to finish. He is 13 now and I still haven't lost the baby weight.

    I am always seriously conflicted on this issue because I don't think people should have babies young, but pregnancy can be an ass-kicker at certain ages and seems to get worse with each passing year for a lot of women.

    That second pregnancy is also why we do not have a third child. If it got any worse than that, I would not have wanted to continue.

  8. #18
    Full Sponsor TapToTalk's Avatar
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    #1 was DS and DIL. I wouldn't say they were financially secure at the time and were a little concerned about being too young. But, things are still good. We're still concerned about their move to Israel two years ago.

  9. #19
    Non-praying member Mamapalooza's Avatar
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    The one that would give me the most concern is #3. I'd think it quite odd for any 25 year old to adopt as a single parent, especially a man. You're in the prime of your life and should be taking advantage of it, there is still time for babies.

    I said just this week that I don't know how single working parents do it. I have a supportive husband with a flexible schedule and it's still hard. I have the security of sick and vacation time and some flexibilty that allows me to leave work when the need arises, but not everyone is so fortunate, especially those in minimum wage jobs. I think the idea that single parents can "have it all" is largely a myth.
    "Wherever in the world much poverty is found, much religion is found also"

  10. #20
    Moderator Shaena's Avatar
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    In all cases once my 25 year old is financially secure and out of my house, I am good with it all. ( My mommy worries of hoping they stay happy and married forever, is an issue I have with any couple I love)

    Adopting a kid, would mean he was definitely secure and ready, knowing people who have gone through this process it's pretty intense.

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