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Thread: How would you feel?

  1. #21
    Shrieking Violet Sprockey's Avatar
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    This is about "my son" - and I responded with my desire for him:

    I think it would bother me on some level. I like the idea of my son being with someone his own age(ish) and growing together in a relationship and experiencing things for the first time, together.
    He would (of course) have my blessing to live his own life.

  2. #22
    Moderator purplekitty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sprockey View Post
    This is about "my son" - and I responded with my desire for him:

    He would (of course) have my blessing to live his own life.
    Yes, I realize who you're talking about. I'm just surprised that you'd be bothered on some level if he chose to follow a relationship path similar to yourself since you've had such a loving and long-term relationship (something a lot of people would envy :) ). You are obviously entitled to your own feelings, just surprised. That's all.

  3. #23
    Heartless Wench Alice Chalmers's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sprockey View Post
    I don't think it has anything to do with being capable. The question posed is "how would you feel?".

    I wouldn't like it.
    Exactly. I would be concerned, and when we discussed the issue I would express that. I can't imagine why I wouldn't.

  4. #24
    Heartless Wench Alice Chalmers's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by purplekitty View Post
    Yes, I realize who you're talking about. I'm just surprised that you'd be bothered on some level if he chose to follow a relationship path similar to yourself since you've had such a loving and long-term relationship (something a lot of people would envy :) ). You are obviously entitled to your own feelings, just surprised. That's all.
    An older man and younger woman is a very different relationship, with very different implications, than an older woman and younger man.

  5. #25
    Heartless Wench Alice Chalmers's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by purplekitty View Post
    Really? I think we continue to raise this age and infantilize people. There are all sorts of life decisions that 20-somethings make that become more difficult to change as they get older. IMHO, it's a little insulting to not think they're capable of making their own life choices at 25. People are, generally speaking, plenty mature enough to know what they want or do not want at that age.

    Not to mention, the current science says that the brain isn't fully developed UNTIL 25. Not that it's not quite done yet.

    I would love to know what a childfree by choice person on this board thinks about this. Because if I remember correctly, they knew they didn't want children in their 20s, and they've said they've been insulted by people telling them they still have time to change their minds. ;)
    Of course they're capable of making choices. Some of those choices they will regret. That's an observation, not infantilization.

    I've known a lot of people who didn't want children when they were 25. Some didn't change their minds and some did. We're not talking about going up to some random 25 year old and saying "you'll regret this." We're talking our hypothetical 25 year old son and our concern for his life.

  6. #26
    Moderator Shaena's Avatar
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    I was in a relationship with an older man, it did not end well, as did another friend of mine.

    Recently a female friend who also 10 years older her marriage imploded as well.

    All could be traced to the age difference catching up to them. I currently have an SD in a relationship similar and I do worry though she has my "blessing's" as an adult. same as I would my son.

  7. #27
    Wishes reality was like comic books tpatt100's Avatar
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    A friend of mine married somebody 10-12 years older than he was and they seem ok (been over ten years now). He was 28 I think?

    She had a daughter from a previous marriage seemed to get along fine with the guy.

    I think some people tend to think along the lines of predatory relationships when there is an age different regardless of its an older man or woman never thought of having children before.

    If I was 25 and married somebody older that was past having children I probably would have been fine. I really wasn't keen on having children before.

    Now though I would hate the idea of not having my son. The thing is if my 25 year old self had taken a different path I wouldn't have know any better and probably would have been fine
    Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't recognize them.


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  8. #28
    Moderator purplekitty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alice Chalmers View Post
    Of course they're capable of making choices. Some of those choices they will regret. That's an observation, not infantilization.

    I've known a lot of people who didn't want children when they were 25. Some didn't change their minds and some did. We're not talking about going up to some random 25 year old and saying "you'll regret this." We're talking our hypothetical 25 year old son and our concern for his life.
    The concern about your own child changing his mind 10+ years into a hopefully long-term loving relationship about having children seems very much like infantalizing a 25 year old. Or at the very least, transference. Most of the 25 year olds I know generally know the direction they want their lives to take. It's not like we don't have anecdotal stories of childfree by choice couples to consider. And while we all will end up with some regrets, this seems like a strange concern to focus on if your adult child tells you at 25 yo they don't want children and have found a compatible life partner.

  9. #29
    Moderator purplekitty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shaena View Post
    I was in a relationship with an older man, it did not end well, as did another friend of mine.

    Recently a female friend who also 10 years older her marriage imploded as well.

    All could be traced to the age difference catching up to them. I currently have an SD in a relationship similar and I do worry though she has my "blessing's" as an adult. same as I would my son.
    With the high rate of divorce in this country, that would be exactly the reason I'd be concerned about his choice for a partner rather than whether or not he'd change his mind about having children.

  10. #30
    Heartless Wench Alice Chalmers's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by purplekitty View Post
    And while we all will end up with some regrets, this seems like a strange concern to focus on if your adult child tells you at 25 yo they don't want children and have found a compatible life partner.
    That's not part of the hypothetical in the OP. It's also not the only concern. Frankly, I'd worry what the hell is wrong with a 38 year old woman who is seriously dating (not just fucking) a 25 year old man.

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