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Thread: Is money tied to your self esteem?

  1. #21
    kcunaC yzarC Lor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Old Goat View Post
    When I was a child money - or the lack of it - was very much tied to my self esteem - mostly because it represented the things I couldn't have. Not just cool clothes, but braces and shit like that. I felt like my poverty was very visible (which it was) and that affected my self esteem.
    100% this. It was very obvious that we weren't well off when I was growing up and it got much worse when my parents split up, it affected my self esteem and here I am at 44 working on this with my therapist because all these years later I still feel like people see me as that poor little kid that doesn't have much value to anyone.

    In my career my self esteem is much more affected by my production and accomplishments than my salary, I've gone from being a high school dropout to being a professional insurance broker and teaching college courses for my industry. I spent many years never imagining that I could do anything like that, I grew up feeling like there was a secret that normal people knew that left me out of the running for successful business accomplishments. I overcame that by sheer will and it was the most healing thing I've done for myself.

    The past 8 months have been really eye opening for me regarding my self esteem and money, I have had some health issues and have been placed on disability leave twice since December, my insurance provider paid me from December to February and then I spent the past 6 months fighting them for my disability pay, having virtually no income during this time made me take a good look at the value I place on myself regarding my earnings and contributions to my family. I've always been the primary breadwinner and caregiver in my family and I took a serious hit as we burned through our savings and credit cards. I finally got paid just two weeks ago for the current medical leave and won my 2nd appeal for the February - May term so sanity is being restored but it's been a learning experience for sure.

    Great question.

  2. #22
    Let's take a trip to the stars Steffy's Avatar
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    Yes. Now that I am working, I have my own money. Even though DH's check was "our" money before, now I definitely have my own money. It goes into a separate account (that we are both on) and my car payment comes out of it.

    When we went out for DH's birthday a couple of weeks ago, he joked that he had to work X hours to pay for the meal. I said uh, no. *I* am paying for this, so shut your face and order whatever you want. ;) He was slightly embarrassed and said that he's been used to being the only one working.

    I feel like if shit hits the fan, I have GTFO money. I mean, obviously I hope that never happens, but it definitely brought me a bit of security that I didn't know I needed...if that makes sense.

  3. #23
    argh Nansel's Avatar
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    I can see that there was a benefit to growing up military when it comes to this stuff. My family lived in married quarters, where everyone made a similar amount of money, everyone had kids and we all lived in the same houses. No one was rich, no one was poor.

    My family was stable, which helped, too. So even when I was in my early 20s and lived way below the poverty line, I never doubted I could support myself. I think, looking back, that I assumed it was temporary and I would move up in the world. So it never impacted my self esteem that I couldn't afford certain things.


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  4. #24
    Full Sponsor RealCranky's Avatar
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    An interesting! I would say no, but it's more complicated than that.

    Iam am very poorly paid - I literally could make more money working part time at Target. But the fact that I can do what I enjoy and not need the money is incredibly satisfying, so I think the answer is "yes" but in a roundabout way.
    nesha ;-)


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  5. #25
    If you bring the monkey, I'm leaving puppylove's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Andrea View Post
    My self-esteem is tied more to productivity than to money. The more I feel productive the better I feel about myself. The productivity doesn't have to be tied to money.

    If I feel productive I feel good, whether that's paid work or not.
    This is me. I make less than I did right out of school, bit I am doing more with my life now than I ever have. Instead of making rich dudes look better, I am feeding people and making their lives better. I feel very productive.


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  6. #26
    Nihongo dame desu villanelle's Avatar
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    It's very much a struggle for me that I make very little money now. I still remember so well the day I got promoted to a salary at which I felt I could be self-sufficient. I didn't need to be as I was married and DH made way more than I did, but I could have been okay on my own, and that meant so much. It wouldn't have been an extravagant life and there would have been some economizing, but I'd have made it on my own.

    Losing that when we moved overseas, and then dealing with the fact that it may actually be a permanent condition was really tough, and I'm definitely not 100% over it. Friends always comment about how lucky I am, and certainly there is an element of absolute privilege to have a life that involves croquet in the park wearing all white at noon with my friends when we want to be silly, or day drinking mimosas, or wandering to a cat cafe for someone's birthday during the day on Tuesday or wandering to Tokyo just to have deep friend smores. I'm super fortunate, and I am definitely aware of that fact. It's a great life. It's just not the life I wanted, and some of the things that I value for myself are missing, the biggest ones of which are work and financial contribution. I lot of my meetings and other activities do have a charitable element, and that helps a bit as I do feel like I'm doing meaningful things in the world, but the paycheck is a huge validation for me, I guess, and it's missing.

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