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Thread: Is money tied to your self esteem?

  1. #11
    Moderator purplekitty's Avatar
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    I don't think money, per se, is tied to my self esteem. I think I'm very underpaid where I'm working right now (and sure, I'd like to make more because I love money ) but it doesn't lower my self esteem. The work that I'm doing is important and gratifying.

  2. #12
    Vicious Trollop Kimm's Avatar
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    I don't know how to answer this. I have not worked in 16 years. I don't feel anything in particular about not bringing in money. DH and I made an agreement that he would work and I would take care of the kids. Now I homeschool them, so working is out of the question until Johnny graduates. He's in the 8th grade.

    Now if DH had EVER acted like the money was anything but OUR money, I might feel differently. He has never once acted that way though. He also values what I do and tells me that frequently.

  3. #13
    Wishes reality was like comic books tpatt100's Avatar
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    Early on since I was poor money was tied to my self esteem. It's become easier for me to earn more money now a days so the salary isn't that big of a deal to me anymore, quality of life is.

    My biggest thing that helps with my self esteem is my health now a days. The longer I have been working out it's been like a big depression cloud has been lifted.
    Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't recognize them.


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  4. #14
    Unrelentingly Oppositional Andrea's Avatar
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    My self-esteem is tied more to productivity than to money. The more I feel productive the better I feel about myself. The productivity doesn't have to be tied to money.

    If I feel productive I feel good, whether that's paid work or not.

    "When politics becomes a religion, then simple disagreements become apostasies, heresies. And you know what we do with heretics." -- Peggy Noonan


  5. #15
    I flunked typing coachgrrl's Avatar
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    Great question

    My parents were so money focused. It has definitely rubbed off on me. I like making money and having money. I need the security and also it impacts my self esteem. When dh's business was in decline, we both had a hard time not blaming him. I confess to being resentful at times when we were going through that.

    So yeah...I am pretty tied up with my money

  6. #16
    Moderator Shaena's Avatar
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    I work for a non profit, so I am underpaid, but I love what I do. It's not so much the pay for me, but the so called prestige of having a job that I get caught up in. I was raised by a single mother, so it's been ingrained in me to not be dependent on a man. That if my husband disappeared in a puff of smoke one day, I could take care of myself. For a long time I this marriage, through no fault of my husband, I really felt "less than" . I needed to make a monetary contribution to the world. Now that I can conceivably take care of myself alone, I do feel better and more confident than I did when I was younger.

  7. #17
    Non-praying member Mamapalooza's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by purplekitty View Post
    I don't think money, per se, is tied to my self esteem. I think I'm very underpaid where I'm working right now (and sure, I'd like to make more because I love money ) but it doesn't lower my self esteem. The work that I'm doing is important and gratifying.
    I think this is where I am. I could be paid within a completely different category if I had more education, but at this point in my life I don't have the need to expend the energy required to make that happen, so I make do and I'm quite happy here. I get far more self-esteem (or ego strokes, I guess) from doing my job well, which I know I do. The money is important but it's not lacking to the point where it's the top priority in moving up.

    I definitely get feelings based on how I spend it though. When I get a windfall I spend some on my adult kids, either for a specific reason or "just because". They always fuss and give me the "mother!" routine but I admit I get a great deal of satisfaction from spending money on my kids, probably because I didn't have the freedom or discretion to spend more on them when they were younger. I do it for me as much as them, and if I dig deep enough I'm sure there as sense of "deserving it" in there. My kids have never been spoiled and have worked since they were 13/14, I look at those little windfalls as the chance to reward them, I suppose.

    My husband grew up very poor and it's funny to see how that's impacted him, mostly subconsciously. He thinks anything free is a bargain and useful. I do not. He is also a bit of a hoarder, including things like toilet paper and coffee (as essential as toilet paper in my house). At one time I counted 9 cans of coffee we had stockpiled, and probably 6 jumbo packs of toilet paper. I have joked he must have suffered a devastating toilet paper shortage in his childhood, but he gets a great deal of security from it so it's all good.
    "Wherever in the world much poverty is found, much religion is found also"

  8. #18
    Premier Sponsor Jasmine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sprockey View Post
    I didn't know that about your parents, Jasmine.
    I'm sorry.
    "Life is about dreams. Teaching is about making them come true."

  9. #19
    Full Sponsor emmjay's Avatar
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    I didn't become a librarian because I wanted to rake in the big bucks, so if self-esteem is tied to salary, I did that wrong. The personal satisfaction I get from my job is separate from my salary; that's why I have always done a lot of volunteer work in the library field when I wasn't able to have a paying job, or could only work part time.

    However, I recently started a new job this month and I think it has affected my self-esteem (in a positive way). I am not making a ton of money for my salary but it has a lot of value in other ways. It is at a private school and my kids can go there for a fraction of the cost we would pay out of pocket (the school pays 87.5% of the tuition as a benefit), and they can go there until they graduate from HS. I can tell already that it will be amazing for my kids' education, and they would never have had this opportunity if I didn't work there because we couldn't possibly afford to send them there ourselves. That is a huge contribution that I am making for our family. A smaller benefit is that we can eat three meals a day there, and I am ridiculously excited that I never have to pack another freaking school lunch.

    On top of that, it is a boarding school and they house a lot of faculty and staff members on campus. If something happened to my husband, or to his job, we could go live there and they would probably find a job for my husband as well, which is their normal practice when they have staff members' families living on campus. That takes a lot of pressure off of my husband, who has been the primary (and often sole) breadwinner for the last 11 years. It also makes me feel good to know that I can be financially self-sufficient and support my family.

    So, it's tough to answer. In the past, I have never really been bothered one way or the other about my salary. But this specific job has definitely made me feel better about myself and my contribution, financial and otherwise. Mostly "otherwise" - the tuition piece is huge. I would probably work there just for the discounted tuition, so the fact that I am getting any salary at all is icing on the cake. I guess I would say that as it relates to my job, my self-esteem is tied more to how much of a contribution I feel I am making to my family, rather than to my actual salary. My job satisfaction is the same whether I am doing paid or unpaid work, because I love being a librarian either way.

  10. #20
    HI! Wise Old Goat's Avatar
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    I've been puzzling over this all day. When I was a child money - or the lack of it - was very much tied to my self esteem - mostly because it represented the things I couldn't have. Not just cool clothes, but braces and shit like that. I felt like my poverty was very visible (which it was) and that affected my self esteem.

    As an adult I don't find that money affects my self esteem - but maybe that's because we have some? When I was a SAHM we were living really frugally to make it work but that was a choice and I was never really worried about money - we made the choice to not do things so that I could be home.

    Going back to work and earning money didn't really increase my self esteem, but I do enjoy working and I feel valued at work (regardless of my salary). The value comes more from positive reinforcement than money I think.

    Good question.

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