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Thread: So, what punishment?

  1. #1
    Premier Sponsor Mare's Avatar
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    So, what punishment?

    My 16 year old was specifically told she couldn't get a nose piercing. She returns some clothes we gave her money to get and gets it done. Never mind she's not 18 and the shop shouldn't have done it. She won't give me the name of the shop, but I will report it when I find out. I'm so pissed.

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  2. #2
    HI! Wise Old Goat's Avatar
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    That's a tough one - it's a clear violation of your rules and the money thing is sneaky so there should be consequences - but I think it's a battle I wouldn't have fought in the first place. At the end of the day hair cuts/colour and piercings (that aren't gauging) are sort of small things and I think being liberal on those things makes it easier to get them to listen to us on the big stuff. But I'm sorry she lied to you and went behind your back

  3. #3
    Shrieking Violet Sprockey's Avatar
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    Omg. I would be so pissed.
    That is straight up defiance.

    I would make her take it out, for starters.

    And she wouldn't be leaving the house for a while.
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  4. #4
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    "Since I can't trust you to follow our rules and make good decisions when you are on your own, you will have to stay home and only go out when under our direct supervision for x amount of time. The longer it takes to tell me where you got this done, the longer that amount of time will be."

  5. #5
    Premier Sponsor Mare's Avatar
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    I hate parenting her. Everything is a battle and this is the tip of the iceberg.

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  6. #6
    Moderator Shaena's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pandora View Post
    "Since I can't trust you to follow our rules and make good decisions when you are on your own, you will have to stay home and only go out when under our direct supervision for x amount of time. The longer it takes to tell me where you got this done, the longer that amount of time will be."
    This. One of my SD's at 15, had a friend do it on a sleepover with an ice cube and a safety pin... Yeah....let's just say, she went through a lot of pain before it closed back up...pretty much that punishment wrote itself.

  7. #7
    Premier Sponsor Mare's Avatar
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    Oh she pierced her cartilage one her ear when we told her no. She's given up on that because it never healed.

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  8. #8
    Moderator purplekitty's Avatar
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    Honestly? I'm with WOG on this one. Stop battling her. She's 16. Grounding her and making her stay in your control just isnt going to work at this point. It will only cause her to be more sneaky.

    Instead of forbidding things, discuss and then let her deal with the consequences of HER decisions (like the ear piercing). If she wants something really outrageous (like a ginormous tattoo), bargain with her and ask her to wait until she's 18.

    She really is old enough to start making most decisions for herself, even if they turn out badly. Sometimes kids need to learn the hard way.

    At that age, I really only had one absolute - no drinking and driving, no getting in a car with someone who is drinking and driving. We discussed why and that it was safe to call me if they ever needed a ride.

    In return, they were honest with me. I knew they sometimes drank alcohol at friends houses because I always asked if there was going to be alcohol. If they said yes, I reminded them about The Rule and options if they needed them.

    So in her case, the lying would be my biggest issue and I'd have a conversation with her that you expect honesty and in return, you'll give her the freedom to make her own decisions like the piercing. You just expect a conversation first before she does it.

  9. #9
    I flunked typing coachgrrl's Avatar
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    Team pk

    (besides I hate having grounded kids home where I get to deal with their moodiness. )

  10. #10
    Premier Sponsor Mare's Avatar
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    Thanks. I think it's reasonable to no longer give her money, isn't it? I'm tired of funding her laziness. Plus, and this should probably be in H&C, she smokes pot. I was livid about that but can't control it.

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