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Thread: What do you do when you and spouse get snippy with one another?

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    nolite te bastardes carborundorum stellarfeller's Avatar
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    What do you do when you and spouse get snippy with one another?

    I'm sure this happens when two people have been together for a long time...there's bound to be times when everything they do annoys you So what do you do? What kinds of things does your spouse or significant other do that irk you? Do you say anything about it, or seethe internally?
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    Premier Sponsor mmeblue's Avatar
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    I try to remind myself that I do plenty of things that likely annoy him, too. Then I try to decide if it's something worth mentioning or something I need to just get over. The vast majority of things fall in that second category.

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    Full Sponsor RealCranky's Avatar
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    I just point out that I'm in a mood, and it's a good time to give me some space.
    nesha ;-)


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    Moderator purplekitty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RealCranky View Post
    I just point out that I'm in a mood, and it's a good time to give me some space.

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    Full Sponsor TapToTalk's Avatar
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    Our snippiness is legend. Nether of us is good at holding it in. She can get mean, I get sarcastic. We have gotten better over the last couple years of deescalating and catching ourselves.

    Let's face it, everyone's SO has annoying traits that will never change. I know what my traits are that annoy her. None of mine or hers are deal breakers. The challenge is to let them go.

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    Full Sponsor maurinsky's Avatar
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    I have gotten snippy once, and I apologized after the thing I was feeling snippy about was past (I thought we were going to be late to something because he took us the wrong way). I am not a seether, I told him why I was upset.

    He's gotten snippy once, and it was on our way out the door in the morning, and he apologized when he came home - he was annoyed because he had washed his breakfast dishes and I left mine in the sink without washing them, so he stopped to wash them. I told him I didn't know it annoyed him, and that I would wash them before I left.

    So, I think we've handle things in a pretty grown up way so far.

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    Sitting on the couch eating bon bons! Eli's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mmeblue View Post
    I try to decide if it's something worth mentioning or something I need to just get over. The vast majority of things fall in that second category.
    This.

    I am also big on handling our snippiness privately. I do not think everyone needs to know our business. Unlike the couple yesterday who decided to argue about the cell phone and cigarettes in the hospital pre-op waiting room. That was a real treat.



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    argh Nansel's Avatar
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    Yeah, like others have said, letting stuff go is the best plan for most things. At 25 years in, we're both very aware of the ways we annoy each other, and none of them is a deal breaker. If I feel myself getting irritated, that usually means I need some quiet time.

    If something annoying comes into view, sometimes we'll "talk" about it by saying things like "yes, you don't like it when I leave my backpack on the floor at the door. Just like I don't like it when you pile things on the kitchen island instead of putting them away". And then we move on, 'cause nothing's changing at this point.

    Quote Originally Posted by Eli View Post
    I am also big on handling our snippiness privately. I do not think everyone needs to know our business. Unlike the couple yesterday who decided to argue about the cell phone and cigarettes in the hospital pre-op waiting room. That was a real treat.
    I bet it was! It makes me very uncomfortable watching couples argue in public.

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    Being it, y'all! Lizzie Beth's Avatar
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    What do you do when you and spouse get snippy with one another?

    Quote Originally Posted by TapToTalk View Post
    Our snippiness is legend. Nether of us is good at holding it in. She can get mean, I get sarcastic. We have gotten better over the last couple years of deescalating and catching ourselves.

    Let's face it, everyone's SO has annoying traits that will never change. I know what my traits are that annoy her. None of mine or hers are deal breakers. The challenge is to let them go.
    This is us, too except Dh is C and I'm you. We've learned how to snip somewhat more productively, we both expect change in the other and over time we've both moved significantly from where we originally started.

    He starts in on me about something, I come roaring back and lawyer him to death. He stops participating in the conversation while I give my closing argument. The next day he apologizes for flipping out and we negotiate. And he really tries to follow through, which I still find remarkable. My dad would just yes my mom to death and then everything would go on as before.

    He pisses and moans because the house is not as organized as he'd like. He's worried that the kids aren't obedient enough. He wants to shame me about politics but he's on pretty shaky ground there. I piss and moan because he doesn't "get" how I'm raising the girls to be headstrong and independent on purpose. That he can organize better than me, who made organization my job anyway and I actually warned him multiple times before we got married that I'm a shitty housekeeper. He could find some romantic bone in his body and unclench and enjoy himself.

    I'm never going to transform into the super organized disciplinarian both career and SAHM mom with the body of a 25 year old that he sometimes seems to want though. Nor is he going to become the squishy liberal romantic soccer dad that it may seem to him like I'm looking for (though really I'm not). We're meeting in the middle somewhere.

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    Wishes reality was like comic books tpatt100's Avatar
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    I get quiet then my wife won't let it go and has to keep pushing. Then when I snap at her she claims I am being a baby about things
    Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't recognize them.


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