Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 15

Thread: Is living apart good for a marriage?

  1. #1
    Premier Sponsor Peanut's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Standing by the keg
    Posts
    11,159
    Rep Power
    297341

    Is living apart good for a marriage?

    Link

    Imagine it: you don’t see his socks strewn across the floor. Her elephantine snoring no longer wakes you. You can actually hear yourself think. When you meet up with your partner, the spark of romance crackles in the air once again.

    Doesn’t sound so bad, does it?


    The ancient Romans thought that sleeping in the same bed ruined a marriage. What about sleeping under the same roof?


    If you’re a trend-watcher like me, you may have noticed an increasing number of stories in the media about married couples living apart. That’s because the number of people going this route is skyrocketing. According the U.S. Census Bureau, an estimated 3.5 million married couples in the U.S. are living apart. The number of married couples who live separately for reasons other than legal separation has nearly doubled since 1990.
    researchers Judye Hess and Padma Catell found that high divorce rates may be linked to narrow frameworks which cause people to accept the idea that married partners must live together and that not wanting to indicates some sort of problem or pathlogogy. Hess and Catell argue that this is a myth. Leave It to Beaver-style togetherness, they suggest, is not necessarily a recipe for satisfaction, and is often quite the reverse. Differences in neatness or tastes in decorating that seem like minor issues become amplified when sharing a home and can wear down nerves over time. Feelings of engulfment and loss of self are common among couples sharing a roof, and can lead to bitterness and resentment, even depression.


    The counter-argument from some psychologists is that the choice to live apart reflects more selfishness and an over-emphasis on individualism. Learning to live with another person, they argue, is necessary for growth. But for some, the grin-and-bear-it approach does not make for a satisfying life.
    Is living under the same roof a key part of a successful marriage?

  2. #2
    Vicious Trollop Kimm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Really crack-a-lackin language master
    Posts
    45,272
    Rep Power
    400089
    If he decided he was living somewhere else, I would decide it was over. Not for me.

  3. #3
    I flunked typing coachgrrl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    20,982
    Rep Power
    506331
    The 9 months we lived apart probably saved our marriage. However I would never do it again. So not for me.

  4. #4
    argh Nansel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Canuckistan
    Posts
    25,566
    Rep Power
    294038

    Is living apart good for a marriage?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kimm View Post
    If he decided he was living somewhere else, I would decide it was over. Not for me.


    Why stay married to someone you can't stand to be around long term? If either one of you has troubles with boundaries or "losing themself", then maybe marriage isn't for you.

    There are lots of people in my life that I enjoy the company of but don't live with. Dh is special.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  5. #5
    Moderator Shaena's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Grand Bois Du Nord
    Posts
    28,107
    Rep Power
    246900
    My husband is a long distance truck driver. We go weeks without seeing each other daily, and I will say there is a thrill when he comes home, that is different than when he was coming home to me daily. But that's just his job that keeps him away, if he decided he wanted to live somewhere else and visit me, that would just be nuts, I don't know why I would bother marrying.

  6. #6
    kcunaC yzarC Lor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Canada, eh?
    Posts
    8,129
    Rep Power
    108817
    Quote Originally Posted by Kimm View Post
    If he decided he was living somewhere else, I would decide it was over. Not for me.
    Yeah we would stop being married if my husband didn't want to live with me anymore

  7. #7
    Let's take a trip to the stars Steffy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    United States of Whatever
    Posts
    18,984
    Rep Power
    231868
    My husband has the possibility in the next 3-5 years of getting a traveling job with his company. I think I'd be okay with it. I love him of course, but a few days away here and there would probably be good for us.

  8. #8
    Moderator purplekitty's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Upstate New York
    Posts
    85,697
    Rep Power
    652088
    I have joked for a long time that the perfect setup would be living in houses next to each other. But after a quarter of a century, we've kinda figured out how to live together and deal with each others issues and habits, so I don't see the need for that anymore. If I don't do the dishes before going to bed, he no longer cares.

  9. #9
    Nihongo dame desu villanelle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    12,541
    Rep Power
    351975
    When circumstances strongly dictate it, I understand. I think sometimes, temporary separations can be good for a marriage. But if it's a permanent thing and it's because things don't really work when we are together, I guess I really wouldn't see the point of staying married.

    For me it would be like DH saying, "Hey, let's live apart, sleep with and have romantic relationships with other people, have totally separate finances and make major decisions on our own, but I still want to be married to you." Those things are fundamental to a marriage for me, so that doesn't even make sense. Why be married to someone you don't want to be with? What's the upside? For me, marriage is about shared life. If you aren't going to have that? Why get or stay married? You can live apart and have occasional booty call weekends as a single person.

  10. #10
    Vicious Trollop Kimm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Really crack-a-lackin language master
    Posts
    45,272
    Rep Power
    400089
    Wait a minute…I might agree to stay married if he kept having his paycheck deposited into MY account.

    I mean, I don't plan on getting married again anyway, so that could work. ;)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •