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Thread: "Let your child be himself/herself"

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    Premier Sponsor Peanut's Avatar
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    "Let your child be himself/herself"

    Laissez faire parenting, excellent advice, or somewhere in between?

    Should we encourage our children to develop their sense of individuality, regardless of social norms or societal structure? Does the age of said child matter?

    Where would you draw the line when it comes to allowing your child (whatever age your child, be said child real or imaginary) to be who or what they want to be as a person? What if your child decides to denounce a basic core tenet of your life system? (Think religion, politics, gender specifism, political beliefs, etc..)

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    Wishes reality was like comic books tpatt100's Avatar
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    I think my son is determined to be the exact opposite of me so I just let him decide.
    Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't recognize them.


    Ann Landers

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    Premier Sponsor Peanut's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tpatt100 View Post
    I think my son is determined to be the exact opposite of me so I just let him decide.
    Your son is still relatively young. How much deciding do you permit him and how much guidance do you provide him in the way of developing his core self?

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    argh Nansel's Avatar
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    Dh and I watched and helped dd through a whole bunch of ideas she had.

    Vegetarianism - I found recipes and cooked for all of us
    Going to VBS and liking church
    Wearing nothing but basketball shorts and camo.
    Discovering fashion and wanting to go shopping a.lot
    Wanting to try activities we knew nothing about, like martial arts which became her "thing".
    Getting facial piercings and dying her blonde hair dark

    The basic tenets of our family consist of pretty much only "don't be a dick", so there wasn't much for her to rebel about. Our way of dealing with this stuff was that if she was old enough to do it herself - either legally or being able to handle all the steps herself - then it's her life. We haven't always agreed with her choices (tattoos and ear gauges being the big ones), but again - it's her life.

    Where we lived was a huge mix of evangelicals, hippies, and suburban types, so no matter what she had come up with she'd have been able to find her tribe.



    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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    Vicious Trollop Kimm's Avatar
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    Well, mine are 16 and 13 now and what I have found is that they ARE going to be who they are regardless of what I do. I think parents have a lot less control over that than they like to think they do.

    I am relatively sure DH has given himself ulcers over M's gender issues. Me? I think I have zero control over that. I offer support to M and hope he ends up happy.

    As far as political and religious, etc., I could not care less honestly. Once again, I just hope they end up happy.

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    Non-praying member Mamapalooza's Avatar
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    I've given my kids a pretty wide berth through their teenage years. They're 25 and 29 now and no one has any big life regrets, so I guess we're okay.

    The oldest especially was extremely independent and strong minded so I battled most with her, but I did what I had to find acceptance with their decisions (though I would often make them wait long enough to ensure they weren't going to change their minds). I'm happy if they explore different ideas like religion and politics. I won't always agree and may even give my eyeballs a proverbial roll, but at least they're thinking and living outside their own bubble. How could that ever be wrong?
    "Wherever in the world much poverty is found, much religion is found also"

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    Full Sponsor maurinsky's Avatar
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    I tried to nurture the wonderful qualities they had naturally, not quash their sense of adventure or build insecurities into them, but redirected when it was needed.

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    Full Sponsor TapToTalk's Avatar
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    Raising kids is like bowling. You start with guard rails, they bounce around a lot and you help them stay on target. As they get older you take down the bumpers and pray they don't end up in the gutter.

    When they are 23 or 24, you find out they actually were listening.

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    Non-praying member Mamapalooza's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TapToTalk View Post
    Raising kids is like bowling. You start with guard rails, they bounce around a lot and you help them stay on target. As they get older you take down the bumpers and pray they don't end up in the gutter.

    When they are 23 or 24, you find out they actually were listening.
    Bowling, that's a good analogy.
    "Wherever in the world much poverty is found, much religion is found also"

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    Full Sponsor TapToTalk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mamapalooza View Post
    Bowling, that's a good analogy.
    The problem is that with bowling you get better with more practice. With kids, it's a totally new sport with each one.

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