Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 39

Thread: I'm not a mother, and it's okay that I am not part of this day!

  1. #1
    Nihongo dame desu villanelle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    12,485
    Rep Power
    346965

    I'm not a mother, and it's okay that I am not part of this day!

    There are a zillion Facebook posts about Mothers' Day, of course. And so many of the well-wishes include not just moms, but "thos with moms, though we are like a mom to someone, those with the heart of a mom, those who wish for motherhood but don't have it 9yet), those who are moms to 'furkids'" and more.

    I really don't need to be included in this day, any more than I need to be included in father's day. I'm not a mom. That's fine. I understand this comes from a good place, and might be especially appreciated by those who are not moms but wish very much they were. But is it really necessary that all things are inclusive? Can't mothers' day be about mothers, without including the girl who has that fish she loves very much and the woman who is happy not to have kids?

    Thoughts?

    *To be clear, it's not like this pisses me off or makes me angry. I just find it a bit silly and somewhat patronizing, I guess.

  2. #2
    Being it, y'all! Lizzie Beth's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    12,254
    Rep Power
    274703

    I'm not a mother, and it's okay that I am not part of this day!

    I think I'd probably feel the same if I didn't have kids. To me Mother's Day was always about my mom. Even after I had kids it took me a while before I started thinking of it as applying to me. If I'd never had them, I think I would just always think of it as mom's.

    Just like for years I thought my family was all Scottish and I didn't think St. Patrick's day was my holiday, but I was always happy to celebrate anyway. Then I found out half the family is Irish. So I could now wear the "kiss me I'm Irish" shirt, I suppose, but I don't think it really changes my outlook on the day.

    For the record I will happily celebrate anybody's holiday (it doesn't need to be about me) at any time. Because holidays are mostly about food. Which I love.

    My fifteen year old neighbor friend two doors down brings me a card and flowers every year, I've talked a little about her before - her mom died three years ago but had already been gone for several years, she's been coming over here for mothering since kindergarten. I totally don't expect that but it gives her something to focus the day's energy on besides a grave. Mother's Day is about those people who help us get on in this world, to get caught up in biological realities alone is to miss an opportunity. Love the ones who matter, and if there aren't any, love yourself for mothering yourself or others.

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    558
    Rep Power
    0
    Mother's Day is one of those days I struggle with a bit. I fit the criteria (4 kids, 6 grandkids) but I have never felt the day is my day. I was 26 when my Mom died. I miss her but it will be 30 years this year since she died. My kids always wish me a Happy Mother's Day. My grandkids do too. One of my grandsons who lives with me makes something for me & for his Mom for Mother's Day. That's sweet. I'm not sure why Mother's Day always feels awkward for me.

  4. #4
    Shrieking Violet Sprockey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    I Wish I Knew
    Posts
    103,204
    Rep Power
    715793
    You are right, vill!
    It is OK not to be included in something that you feel perfectly happy and content to not belong to.

  5. #5
    Chronically sleep deprived RN_mom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    13,702
    Rep Power
    238955
    I agree Vill, and feel the same way. Especially the "Don't forget moms of furrbabies" posts. Well, no. They aren't actually moms. If you've chosen to be kid-free, awesome! I support your choice. But you don't then get to be included in a holiday because you have a dog.

    It's funny because I don't see those posts for Father's Day really. I cannot ever recall seeing "and to all those great fur daddies!" Ever. Why is it that the women's holiday has to suddenly be all inclusive and trivialized even more? It's already a fairly silly holiday, but it is a day where we get thanked for an often thankless job. Why the need to refocus that to people who made a conscious choice to not be included in that category? I don't celebrate Passover, and I don't expected to be acknowledged on Veterans Day.


  6. #6
    Shrieking Violet Sprockey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    I Wish I Knew
    Posts
    103,204
    Rep Power
    715793
    Quote Originally Posted by RN_mom View Post

    It's funny because I don't see those posts for Father's Day really. I cannot ever recall seeing "and to all those great fur daddies!" Ever. Why is it that the women's holiday has to suddenly be all inclusive and trivialized even more?.
    Good point. I never even thought of that. Why no fur daddies? LOL

  7. #7
    Heartless Wench Alice Chalmers's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Brew City
    Posts
    33,299
    Rep Power
    322745
    I'm guessing it's because men who want children but don't have them don't seem to feel the massive punch in the gut on Fathers' Day. When my husband is in a public space on Fathers' Day, he is not bombarded with questions of whether or not he has children and why. I am. (I was so fucking relieved to not be scheduled to work yesterday.)

    On one hand, I don't think that women who don't want children should feel the need to participate. But that's not typically what the "Happy Fur-Baby Mom Day" thing is about. It's not my bag - I think of my dog as my friend rather than my baby - but people typically mean well when they're trying to be inclusive. The fact is that I don't count on Mothers' Day, and while I don't expect to be included and counted, I appreciate the kindness behind anyone's attempt to include me and other women like me.

  8. #8
    Chronically sleep deprived RN_mom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    13,702
    Rep Power
    238955
    Ftr, I see a vast difference between women who want to be mothers but aren't (ever, or yet) and women who have made a conscious choice to not have children.

    I don't have particularly strong feelings about any of it, it just makes my inner feminist cringe that we have diluted the meaning of Mother's Day to include women who have pets, but they've not done that to men.


  9. #9
    Heartless Wench Alice Chalmers's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Brew City
    Posts
    33,299
    Rep Power
    322745
    Quote Originally Posted by RN_mom View Post
    Ftr, I see a vast difference between women who want to be mothers but aren't (ever, or yet) and women who have made a conscious choice to not have children.

    I don't have particularly strong feelings about any of it, it just makes my inner feminist cringe that we have diluted the meaning of Mother's Day to include women who have pets, but they've not done that to men.
    While it's certainly a matter of viewpoint, I really don't think it's a common thing for women who have never wanted children to go around co-opting Mothers' Day and proclaiming that it's totally the same since they have a dog. What I do see happening is a handful of people trying to include women who have a whole lot of hurt surrounding the issue, and to send the message that they matter.

    At the end of the day, if someone wishes me a Happy Mothers' Day because I have a dog (they didn't - I'm just citing this as an example), what difference does it actually make to you?

  10. #10
    Where the flowers bloom Andee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    I live here.
    Posts
    22,273
    Rep Power
    336228
    I think people over think things. One of my best and dearest friends is child free by choice. She mother's her dog. She posted a picture of flowers that her dog "bought" her for Mother's Day. I smiled and liked the picture and said that was sweet of her dog. I mean we both know that the dog didn't buy the flowers but so what. She is a better mom to that dog than some actual mothers to children are. lol She wanted flowers and she got flowers. Happy Mother's Day to her.

    Now with that being said, I always wonder why we need one day to make moms feel special. Mom's should be made to feel special every day! lol I really appreciate all the kids have done for me on Mother's Day but what I wanted most when the kids were young was for my dh to just take them somewhere so I could spend the day in bed reading and not hear all the things going on.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •