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Thread: That's Dangerous!

  1. #1
    Heartless Wench Alice Chalmers's Avatar
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    That's Dangerous!

    Why Do We Judge Parents For Putting Kids At Perceived - But Unreal - Risk?
    http://www.npr.org/sections/13.7/201...ut-unreal-risk
    So here's another possibility. It's not that risks to children have increased, provoking an increase in moral outrage when children are left unattended. Instead, it could be that moral attitudes toward parenting have changed, such that leaving children unsupervised is now judged morally wrong. And because it's judged morally wrong, people overestimate the risk.
    It pairs quite nicely with the recent blog post "I'm Scared To Leave My Kids Along In The Car For Just A Few Minutes"
    http://www.scarymommy.com/scared-lea...t-few-minutes/
    It’s legal — or rather notillegal — in my state to leave a kid alone in the car. But we have child endangerment statutes, and those have been used to arrest parents under the pretense of ignoring the threat of kidnapping. Which is ridiculous. According to Free-Range Kids, only 115 children per year (in 1999, the last year we have stats for) are abducted by strangers. “Murders of children by abductors,” says the site, which compiles crime statistics against children, “constitute less than one half of 1% of all murders in America.”

    The sanity doesn’t matter. As so many sites claim, including the Brennan Foundation, public perception of crime is up. We helicopter-parent our children under the assumption that we’re keeping them safe. Helicoptering means keeping them in view at all times, and public perception says it’s the only responsible way to parent. Leaving your kids in the car is the ultimate in anti-helicoptering.
    Why is society like this? Why is there so much judgment - typically directed toward women - over risks that aren't even real? Why do we as a whole believe it is acceptable behavior to to judge and even harass others based on nothing more than a personal fear?

  2. #2
    HI! Wise Old Goat's Avatar
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    I have no idea but it's frustrating. We as a society have perfected the art of judging someone else in order to make ourselves feel better about ourselves - hence the popularity of shows like Super Nanny, etc. It's like we can only get validation for how good we're doing at anything (not just parenting) by comparing ourselves to someone who we feel is doing worse than us.


    We need to mind our own business about other people's parenting, other people's weight, other people's family size, etc , etc etc.

  3. #3
    Camacho 2016 tpatt100's Avatar
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    That's Dangerous!

    I used to mind my own business until I became a parent then I became more judgey for some reason

    Besides most kids are harmed by their own parents and not strangers
    Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't recognize them.


    Ann Landers

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    Moderator purplekitty's Avatar
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    I remember being judged for allowing my then 3yo son to watch the original Jurassic Park over and over and over again on VHS.

    I am so glad I just parented the way I wanted without worrying what other parents thought.

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    argh Nansel's Avatar
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    Yeah, I don't get it either. And I'm very glad I became a parent just as the this whole internet thing was starting to become a thing.

    I think that a lot of it is that judging others is how a vast number of people try to make themselves feel secure about things they are insecure about. Like - that kid only died because the parent let them do something I would never. And that makes some parents not want to let their kid do anything, out of fear.

  6. #6
    Heartless Wench Alice Chalmers's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nansel View Post
    I think that a lot of it is that judging others is how a vast number of people try to make themselves feel secure about things they are insecure about. Like - that kid only died because the parent let them do something I would never. And that makes some parents not want to let their kid do anything, out of fear.


    People want so desperately to believe that if they just do everything right, then nothing really bad will happen. Then when really bad things happen to others, they look for blame, because if the Really Bad Thing can be blamed on what someone else did wrong, then they can confirm their belief that if they do everything right nothing really bad will happen.

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    Moderator purplekitty's Avatar
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    Yeah, life doesn't work that way though.

  8. #8
    Heartless Wench Alice Chalmers's Avatar
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    No. No it does not.




    see ---> the vast majority of my career
    (in my personal experience, the mommies who are the most superior and judgmental are also the mommies who are the most sheltered and typically haven't had as much life experience beyond raising children)

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    Full Sponsor RealCranky's Avatar
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    I think people are really bad at assessing risk, for one thing. As life becomes less risky overall, our perception of what might be risky has gone crazy.

    I first noticed this in the 80's, when that first wave of kidnapping/stranger abduction wave went through. There were all these events to have your kids fingerprinted, and they were billed as "safety issues". When I pointed out that fingerprinting your kids would not stop the (very low) chance of them being abducted but would rather let their body be identified if they were killed, people got really hysterical. It was weird to me.
    nesha ;-)


    Down with the Tsar!
    Time to storm the Winter Palace...

  10. #10
    HI! Wise Old Goat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alice Chalmers View Post


    People want so desperately to believe that if they just do everything right, then nothing really bad will happen. Then when really bad things happen to others, they look for blame, because if the Really Bad Thing can be blamed on what someone else did wrong, then they can confirm their belief that if they do everything right nothing really bad will happen.
    A long time ago when my SIL only had one child - and he probably was a toddler or younger dh and I found out that friends of ours were about to lose their 5 year old to a brain tumour - SIL was there when we got the phone call. We were both very upset and the first thing out of her mouth was "What did they do?". I was floored that she was trying to somehow assign blame for this - I wasn't a parent then and I couldn't figure out how she could be so heartless but now I see it was just that she was scared that if this 5 year old could die than maybe her kid could too.

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