Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 27

Thread: When is it cruel to encourage magical belief?

  1. #11
    Shrieking Violet Sprockey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    I Wish I Knew
    Posts
    101,492
    Rep Power
    688534
    I never told my boys, they figured it out for themselves with zero drama or mocking.

    We still all believe in Santa!
    If you don't believe then you get socks for Christmas!

  2. #12
    Nihongo dame desu villanelle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    12,234
    Rep Power
    329542
    I wondered if this thread was going to be about religion.

    I don't know that I'd use the word "cruel", but I do think it is a parent's responsibility to guide their children in ways to navigate life that are in line with cultural standards and mores, or at least to be aware of those standards and know that a conscious choice is being made when they are ignored. Not doing so fails them, in a way, because it sets them up to be ostracized and doesn't allow them to know the unwritten rules of getting along in the world.

    I'm not sure how it's uch different than not teaching your kid not to pick his nose and eat the boogers. There's nothing inherently harmful in that, but at some point if the parents ignore the behavior, then the child will have no idea that doing this breaks a cultural taboo, and will be subject to humiliation from his peers. For a 3 yo to nose pick and eat isn't problematic because society doesn't yet expect that behavior to be sorted out, but at 10, it is problematic. I think Santa belief is kind of the same thing. If your kid if going to junior high believing in Santa, he's likely to face some difficulties--difficulties that could have been prevented if mom or dad had had a difficult conversation with the kid. I'm not sure what I'd say the exact age cut off is, because I'm not exactly up on what is normal for kids around those ages.

  3. #13
    HI! Wise Old Goat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    within a mile of home
    Posts
    49,644
    Rep Power
    418196
    Quote Originally Posted by RealCranky View Post
    I don't think it's "cruel" to not tell them the truth, though I think it's silly not to - you should probably let the know that Lassie didn't really "go to a farm".

    But I don't think you ought to invest a lot of energy in making kids believe in Santa and the tooth fairy.

    I have yet to meet a 7th grader who actually believed in Santa, though I've met several who said they didn't want to confess that to their mom's.

    Interesting point - why are moms so much more invested in this than dads?
    When ds was around 3 he asked me outright if Santa was real. I hated lying to him but he was still so young and I wanted him to have that Santa magic which he hadn't reall had at that point - so I lied to him and said yes. When I told dh he was pissed that I even considered telling him the truth .

    I expected there to be lots of drama when he found out - but he's 15 and there has never been any drama. He has to know by now - it's inconceivable that he still believes in Santa but I have no idea when he found out because he's never brought it up and I can't figure out why he's never mentioned it??? I think he probably believed longer than most - but I have no clue. I'm pretty sure he knew by grade 7 at the latest - TBH I wish he'd just admit so things didn't have to be so secretive. I'd love to be able wrap his presents before Christmas Eve night (although dh does most of that ) especially now that he stays up later than us

  4. #14
    Full Sponsor GiftOfFlavor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    5,932
    Rep Power
    165228
    Imma file this under "problems little Jewish kids like me never had"

  5. #15
    Full Sponsor TapToTalk's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    California
    Posts
    29,102
    Rep Power
    497393
    Quote Originally Posted by GiftOfFlavor View Post
    Imma file this under "problems little Jewish kids like me never had"
    I think you still believe in the tooth fairy...

  6. #16
    Turtle killer STLouisMom9800's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    The Land of the Lost
    Posts
    7,817
    Rep Power
    49319
    I can't remember exactly what age my kids figured out that Santa wasn't real but I think they knew for a year or two before they told me they knew. One of the kids did ask me once and I said I'd tell them the truth if they were sure they wanted to know and I was told no, they didn't really want to know just yet.

  7. #17
    Full Sponsor GiftOfFlavor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    5,932
    Rep Power
    165228
    Quote Originally Posted by TapToTalk View Post
    I think you still believe in the tooth fairy...
    I know her. Personally.

  8. #18
    nolite te bastardes carborundorum stellarfeller's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Hawkins, IN
    Posts
    20,438
    Rep Power
    296604
    GoF IS the tooth fairy!
    Mornings are for coffee and contemplation
    -
    Chief Hopper, Stranger Things

  9. #19
    Full Sponsor GiftOfFlavor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    5,932
    Rep Power
    165228
    Quote Originally Posted by stellarfeller View Post
    GoF IS the tooth fairy!
    I'm not saying I'm the tooth fairy, I'm just saying that no one has ever seen me and the tooth fairy in the same room..

  10. #20
    argh Nansel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Canuckistan
    Posts
    25,258
    Rep Power
    273974
    I'm super uncomfortable with encouraging any belief in magical things. Santa, Tooth Fairy (sorry GOF! ), religion of any sort. Dh, on the other hand, loved doing the whole Santa thing with dd, so I went along with it. I don't remember ever believing in Santa and the Easter Bunny, and a family story is that I spilled the beans on the Easter Bunny to my kindergarten class.

    I was super relieved when dd was 7 and asked me for "the truth", and wouldn't accept my usual "Well, what do you think?" that year. Dh was a bit miffed, but too bad dude, you got 7 years.

    I think that encouraging belief in a kid who is showing skepticism is serving the adults need to keep the kid young, to not let them grow up. I think that showing a kid that they are now grown up enough to be "in" on the secret is a cool milestone. I realize I'm not the norm in this, as from my years as a parent it seems that most parents see the skepticism as a loss of innocence and something to mourn.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •