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Thread: Laws Giving Access to Incapacitated Parents

  1. #21
    HI! Wise Old Goat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kimm View Post
    I don't know. I mean, I get that there are abuses, but I have no desire for my mother to even be notified when I am dead. She doesn't even deserve that. I am sure she will find out, but no one owes it to her.

    I also think it should be case by case. In the case of the member here who this happened to, her mom was already mentally unable to make decisions when she married the scumbag she married. If one can prove THAT, then I have no problem with a judge stepping in. Unless one can prove that though, I think the rights of the spouses should stand. To go against that is going to get insanely complicated in a case by case basis.

    I feel the same way about grandparents' rights. If I say you get no access to my kids, then no judge should be able to override that. I guarantee you my mom could cry you a river about how unfair I am in keeping her from my kids. It does not make it true though. I am protecting my kids by keeping them from her.

    These things are so, so complicated. Like I said earlier, if you can prove that someone made decisions in an incapacitated state, fine. Otherwise, the wishes of the person, or person they married, should be respected. I think it is grossly overstepping for judges to be involved.
    I think I'm here too. I think about the member from here and it makes me agree with this law, but I think that case is probably not as frequent as actual estrangements, etc. If my FIL was to become incapacitated tomorrow I can absolutely see his wife keeping dh away from him, but she would have a point. We haven't had any real contact with him in 12 years. Mostly because she's an evil succubus...but still...she would be perfectly within her rights to not want to see my husband while hers lay dying.

  2. #22
    Nihongo dame desu villanelle's Avatar
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    And with our member here, I believe the parent was mentally compromised when she married, so while it seems like the law wasn't able to prove that, there are some safeguards for cases like that. (Clearly, the don't always work, admittedly.)

    If my dad died and my mom remarried and I was kept away, it would be beyond devastating. But it would be her choice--the choice of who makes that decision once she's no longer able. She has a right to make that choice, even if she makes an awful one.

    I think in general we need to stay out of people's business. Mom chooses stepdad, and if he's an asshole, that's unfortunate. There is a process by which someone appoints a person to oversee this stuff, and often that is called marriage. The process should be respected. Otherwise, it can go very wrong the other way. And if we have to pick one, it should be the one where the person in question has the say, which they do when they select a spouse.

  3. #23
    Vicious Trollop Kimm's Avatar
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    While this does remind me of my situation with my mother, that is not solely what I base my opinion upon. I think actions have consequences and sometimes those consequences suck. I don't think judges have any business in this sort of thing as a general rule. I can see there being rare exceptions, but I think the exceptions should remain rare and judges should only be involved in extreme cases.

    And may I live another 60 years and maybe eat these words, but I am 100% sure I will never have a 4th husband.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    And with our member here, I believe the parent was mentally compromised when she married, so while it seems like the law wasn't able to prove that, there are some safeguards for cases like that. (Clearly, the don't always work, admittedly.)

    If my dad died and my mom remarried and I was kept away, it would be beyond devastating. But it would be her choice--the choice of who makes that decision once she's no longer able. She has a right to make that choice, even if she makes an awful one.

    I think in general we need to stay out of people's business. Mom chooses stepdad, and if he's an asshole, that's unfortunate. There is a process by which someone appoints a person to oversee this stuff, and often that is called marriage. The process should be respected. Otherwise, it can go very wrong the other way. And if we have to pick one, it should be the one where the person in question has the say, which they do when they select a spouse.
    Man, I'd love to copy this post and paste it to my dad

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