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Thread: Foster Care/Adoption Vent

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    "All The Way May" May27JnJ's Avatar
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    Foster Care/Adoption Vent

    I'm not sure if anyone will have guidance on this but I have to get this off my chest. If you don't know, my husband and I adopted three children from foster care.

    DH's brother and his wife just received their first foster placement, sisters. They lived with them for two weeks before we found out that the older of the sisters is actually related to my two oldest! She has the same father. Total shock! I knew there was a younger sister but what are the chances of her being placed with our family! The kids do not know that they have other siblings.

    These girls were in care almost a year ago and was returned home because their mom worked to get herself together. She lost them again. Chances of these girls going up for adoption is strong. My brother is on the fence about adoption but my sister in-law is in. She says the girls are wonderful and fit in well. My sister in-law was told today that the former foster family (who couldn't take them back this time because their home is "full") will have the first opportunity to adopt the girls. Now, whether they'll really be able to adopt them because of their housing situation...who knows.

    I know most of this has to do with us and whether or not we can take on two more children. I'm wondering if we should fight for these girls. Is it ok to let my kids sibling go to another person?

    What would you do?

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    "All The Way May" May27JnJ's Avatar
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    I will add that our kids have been around the girls a few times and they get along really well. It's amazing to think that our kids were with their sibling and we had no clue.

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    Non-praying member Mamapalooza's Avatar
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    I know someone else online who (with her husband) adopted 6 kids (2 sibling sets). They have special physical and/or developmental needs. Then another sibling to one of the sets was born and when approached by CPS, they declined the placement because they were maxed out and they knew it. It was not an easy decision.

    My aunt and uncle adopted a boy they'd previously fostered, as well as his sister from time to time. CPS hoped they would adopt her as well but she was older and had more social/emotional issues than they felt they were equipped to handle.

    I think whatever your decision, you have to make it for yourselves first. If these are not siblings who were raised together then I don't believe the impact of being "separated" is the same as for kids who are divided from within a single family unit. It's still shitty, but it's not devastating.
    "Wherever in the world much poverty is found, much religion is found also"

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    Nihongo dame desu villanelle's Avatar
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    I think it is absolutely and 100% okay not to fight to adopt the half siblings, if that's what makes the most sense to your head or your heart or any other part of you.

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    ••••••••••••• niccikatie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    I think it is absolutely and 100% okay not to fight to adopt the half siblings, if that's what makes the most sense to your head or your heart or any other part of you.
    I think I would feel a little differently if the kids knew this sibling existed or had been raised together. In this specific scenario, I think it would be wonderful if they were in your family with your BIL & SIL, but I wouldn't feel guilty for not adopting them myself if it wasn't the right time for my family.


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    Chronically sleep deprived RN_mom's Avatar
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    What the others said. It won't impact the kids negatively if their sibling doesn't end up in their family, because they don't know she even exists as their sibling.

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    Turtle killer STLouisMom9800's Avatar
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    I don't think that you should try and adopt them only because they are your kids half siblings. You should do it because you would do it even if they weren't.

    That said, as an adult adoptee, regardless of what happens try not to lose touch with those kids. Your kids may want to meet them down the road.

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    "All The Way May" May27JnJ's Avatar
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    I really appreciate the input.

    Quote Originally Posted by STLouisMom9800 View Post
    I don't think that you should try and adopt them only because they are your kids half siblings. You should do it because you would do it even if they weren't.

    That said, as an adult adoptee, regardless of what happens try not to lose touch with those kids. Your kids may want to meet them down the road.
    What you said really stands out to me. You are right. We shouldn't adopt them just because they're half siblings. DH and I are open to adopting one more child IF it worked out, but we're not actively seeking. We're prepared to foster for a while. If she wasn't their sibling we probably would not be open to adopting two more children.

    Someone from Social Services has told me that they're not even sure she's related. They'd need a DNA test but it can be difficult without the parents.

    I have 4 brothers. 3 of them are my half-brothers. I can't imagine missing out of them being in my life. They are my brothers whether they're full or half. I just worry about having the "what ifs" on my heart for the rest of their life if we didn't adopt.

    They have 2 other half siblings that we know of but they're not in care. So their dad has 5 kids total...that we know of.

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    "All The Way May" May27JnJ's Avatar
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    Our 3 have a half brother that they were separated from. After 2 years we tried to have him live with us and it just didn't work out. We stay in contact with him regularly. We're definitely open to keeping in contact.

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    My Happily Ever After. <3 lilone's Avatar
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    If you were to adopt every potential half sibling, that could be a hell of a lot of kids, if you think about it....
    They don't know about the sibling, let it be.
    ~Vicki~

    Moving right along....

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