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Thread: BIL dating your DH's Ex?

  1. #21
    3:21:44 Peachy's Avatar
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    Perhaps this J person placed more value on her dates with your dh than he did. Maybe that's why BIL assumed you and your dh would be bothered by it? Either way, it was a long ass time ago; time for them to move on.

  2. #22
    Sponsor GiftOfFlavor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kendriln View Post
    I think the thing that makes this weird is the thought that you're supposed to give BIL bonus points for this relationship. That's odd to me.
    This. I'm much more wierded out about the "bil got one up on you" aspect than the "ex" aspect. That's bizzare

  3. #23
    Nihongo dame desu villanelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GiftOfFlavor View Post
    This. I'm much more wierded out about the "bil got one up on you" aspect than the "ex" aspect. That's bizzare
    I don't think they (MIL and Boyfriend) believe he got one up on DH. It was more that they though that if BIL was able to believe it, he would feel good about himself.

    BIL's life has not been a giant success story. DH, OTOH, has been very successful my most measures. I'm sure that's hard for BIL to see. But the solution for that is for BIL to make good choices, work hard, and start succeeding at things, not for people to pretend that things are bigger accomplishments than they really are. He likes to imagine that he's a victim of circumstances and that's why he's not had the level of success DH has. That's not the case. I'm sure it would be good for his ego and his self-esteem if he managed to accomplish something DH hasn't or to better DH in some way. But dating some girl isn't accomplishing something or bettering anyone. He's actually made a lot of great progress in the last 6 months or so, and has some things to be proud of. I think the family needs to focus on that, rather than creating fake successes to stroke BIL's ego and to try and prop him him regarding his sense of inferiority compared to DH.

  4. #24
    Sponsor GiftOfFlavor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    I don't think they (MIL and Boyfriend) believe he got one up on DH. It was more that they though that if BIL was able to believe it, he would feel good about himself.

    BIL's life has not been a giant success story. DH, OTOH, has been very successful my most measures. I'm sure that's hard for BIL to see. But the solution for that is for BIL to make good choices, work hard, and start succeeding at things, not for people to pretend that things are bigger accomplishments than they really are. He likes to imagine that he's a victim of circumstances and that's why he's not had the level of success DH has. That's not the case. I'm sure it would be good for his ego and his self-esteem if he managed to accomplish something DH hasn't or to better DH in some way. But dating some girl isn't accomplishing something or bettering anyone. He's actually made a lot of great progress in the last 6 months or so, and has some things to be proud of. I think the family needs to focus on that, rather than creating fake successes to stroke BIL's ego and to try and prop him him regarding his sense of inferiority compared to DH.
    I just don't see how dating some chick your brother once kissed is in any way "success"???

    I dont get it.

  5. #25
    Nihongo dame desu villanelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GiftOfFlavor View Post
    I just don't see how dating some chick your brother once kissed is in any way "success"???

    I dont get it.
    I don't get it either, but I'm guessing the notion is that DH couldn't keep her and BIL can, so that's being more successful, in the category of "dating J"? Or that she has judged BIL better than DH because she's in a more serious relationship with him than she ever was with DH?

  6. #26
    Premier Sponsor Jasmine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nansel View Post
    Yep, I was thinking the exact same thing!
    "Life is about dreams. Teaching is about making them come true."

  7. #27
    Being it, y'all! Lizzie Beth's Avatar
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    The whole thing is just completely bizarre. Now that he knows your Dh is fine with it, everyone should stop talking about it and let their relationship progress without further commentary.

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