Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 27

Thread: BIL dating your DH's Ex?

  1. #11
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Location
    southeast Michigan
    Posts
    83
    Rep Power
    0
    No big deal at all. It's not like they had been married/had kids together or something. THAT would be weird.

  2. #12
    Nihongo dame desu villanelle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    12,347
    Rep Power
    315525
    Okay, I'm glad it wasn't just us. They seemed to have trouble believing it wasn't a big deal. I couldn't see how it would be, but their adamance made me wonder who was the weird one.

    Then Boyfriend (who really is mostly like a FIL) said to DH, "Well maybe you could pretend to be at least a little upset. You've been so successful at everything in your life, and it might make BIL feel good." I guess the idea being that if BIL felt like he got something DH wanted, he'd feel like he bested DH in something and it would help him feel less inferior or something? It's not going to happen, but that made it even more weird. BIL's had a hard road, almost entirely his own doing. He's making some great progress and things look very hopeful and positive for him. But we aren't going to condescend to him in order to make him feel good or to make his achievements look better than they are. He's doing great. Let's focus on sobriety and getting a job and being good with his kids, not the awesome chick he was able to land. (And it's still a very new, young relationship.)

  3. #13
    I flunked typing coachgrrl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    20,968
    Rep Power
    481703
    yeah that's all a little strange.

    Last summer when I was in Calif one of my childhood bffs was supposed to be attending a wedding of another friend's child in CO. My friend's dd tore something in her knee, so her dh was going to stay home with their dd (who is 21 btw). My friend mentioned she was only staying 1 night for the wedding because she didn't think it was a good idea to be there with 2 of her ex's at the wedding. I was rather appalled. We've all been married 25 years...I mean really? It made me almost look at her in a different way. Ancient.history to me...maybe to her notsomuch? I dunno

  4. #14
    Member jjchris's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    4,907
    Rep Power
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    Okay, I'm glad it wasn't just us. They seemed to have trouble believing it wasn't a big deal. I couldn't see how it would be, but their adamance made me wonder who was the weird one.

    Then Boyfriend (who really is mostly like a FIL) said to DH, "Well maybe you could pretend to be at least a little upset. You've been so successful at everything in your life, and it might make BIL feel good." I guess the idea being that if BIL felt like he got something DH wanted, he'd feel like he bested DH in something and it would help him feel less inferior or something? It's not going to happen, but that made it even more weird. BIL's had a hard road, almost entirely his own doing. He's making some great progress and things look very hopeful and positive for him. But we aren't going to condescend to him in order to make him feel good or to make his achievements look better than they are. He's doing great. Let's focus on sobriety and getting a job and being good with his kids, not the awesome chick he was able to land. (And it's still a very new, young relationship.)
    EW. That's just so gross. I'm sorry. Sibling crap is the WORST with inlaws.

  5. #15
    Premier Sponsor
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    1,076
    Rep Power
    27336
    A couple of dates - probably not. His one serious girlfriend? Yes. That would bother me. He probably wouldn't care.

    This sort of reminds me though. There is this family where I very seriously dated the oldest brother. Thank god I got out. Then my little sister dated the next brother, also very seriously. Thank god that didn't pan out. This family is nuts and we don't want to join families. We were a little nervous because my youngest sister is the same age as their youngest boy. Also, my oldest son is the same age as their youngest daughter. Anyway, the family recently moved to a different state and we all breathed a sigh of relief. UNTIL.....apparently little brother's girlfriend goes to my little sister's college and they were assigned to be roommates next year. There is a bizarre and horrible attraction between our girls and their boys so we are a little nervous about the potential for contact and we can't believe that no matter what we just can't break free of this freaking family! /ranting tangent/

  6. #16
    Vicious Trollop Kimm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Really crack-a-lackin language master
    Posts
    45,492
    Rep Power
    377267
    No, this would not bother me if it happened to me, but I do have to say that there is not a chance in hell I would EVER date someone who had potentially bonked my sister. Yuck! Of course, I do not like my sister and the idea of even kissing someone who had kissed her grosses me out.

    And of course, that is all based on it being as casual as what is described in the original post. My DH did not have any casual girlfriends before me, only a couple of serious ones. In that case, I would NEVER be okay with one of them turning up for Thanksgiving.

  7. #17
    Vicious Trollop Kimm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Really crack-a-lackin language master
    Posts
    45,492
    Rep Power
    377267
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    Okay, I'm glad it wasn't just us. They seemed to have trouble believing it wasn't a big deal. I couldn't see how it would be, but their adamance made me wonder who was the weird one.

    Then Boyfriend (who really is mostly like a FIL) said to DH, "Well maybe you could pretend to be at least a little upset. You've been so successful at everything in your life, and it might make BIL feel good." I guess the idea being that if BIL felt like he got something DH wanted, he'd feel like he bested DH in something and it would help him feel less inferior or something? It's not going to happen, but that made it even more weird. BIL's had a hard road, almost entirely his own doing. He's making some great progress and things look very hopeful and positive for him. But we aren't going to condescend to him in order to make him feel good or to make his achievements look better than they are. He's doing great. Let's focus on sobriety and getting a job and being good with his kids, not the awesome chick he was able to land. (And it's still a very new, young relationship.)
    Oh yuck. The idea that he may possibly be dating this woman to "best" his brother is so gross. That's just sad. I would not pretend to be upset about it either.

  8. #18
    Nihongo dame desu villanelle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    12,347
    Rep Power
    315525
    My gut tells me he's not dating her to best DH, but that MIL and Boyfriend think he's so fragile in his recovery that they are looking for ways to boost him up. DH did not bonk J, though he says he probably kissed her. Really, calling her a girlfriend seems to be a stretch. As best DH can recall, they talked a lot at work, and went to dinner or a movie a few times. There was no break up because there was no relationship. They just sort of didn't go out again. DH said it may have been because he left that job, or maybe they just never made additional plans.

    As DH describes her (based on who she was 20 year ago), she actually sounds like a good match for BIL in many ways. I wish them the best.

  9. #19
    Looking for the sunshine
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Here.
    Posts
    11,407
    Rep Power
    170859
    I think the thing that makes this weird is the thought that you're supposed to give BIL bonus points for this relationship. That's odd to me.

  10. #20
    Full Sponsor TapToTalk's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    California
    Posts
    28,810
    Rep Power
    485399
    Mountains from anthills...

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •