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Thread: Nagging spouses

  1. #1
    3:21:44 Peachy's Avatar
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    Nagging spouses

    I've probably started a thread about this at one time or another, but this is bugging me again.

    Whenever my BIL comes down to visit us without his wife or whenever dh spends the night at BIL's house and just the two of them go out for a drink, SIL will call BIL constantly. She either keeps calling to find out when he's going to be home or calling with some bullshit drama to get his attention, like the dog shit on the carpet or something.

    BIL came down yesterday afternoon and spent the night with us so he could visit FIL and so he and dh could do the flood run. SIL called at least twice last night that I heard about, and dh said she called at least three times today. Apparently, she was pissed off because their 20-year-old son was drunk at a friend's house last night (he was spending the night and not driving). SIL called BIL today yelling at him about their son again and that BIL should get his ass home to let the dog out while she's at work instead of him "gallivanting" around god knows where. BIL told her that she knows he's had these plans for today for months and he's not "gallivanting" as she called it. BIL simply called nephew and asked him if he could go home and let the dog out; nephew said of course, no problem. Problem solved.

    One night a number of years ago, dh visited BIL and just the two of them went out for drinks. SIL wouldn't stop calling, wanting to know when he was coming home. After about the fourth call, BIL stopped answering. After about the tenth time, dh answered BIL's phone and said, "Amy, we will be home in an hour. I'm trying to spend some time with my brother. He's not getting into any trouble. Please stop calling!"

    Knowing that SIL is like this, I intentionally DON'T call dh whenever he spends the night at their house (he usually stays at their house if he's got an early morning work meeting up in the Twin Cities). I'll ask dh to text me to let me know he arrived safely, but that's about it.

    I'm like the opposite of a nagging/hovering wife. I cherish my quiet time home alone; stay out as long as you want! When dh goes out without me, I rarely call him. If I do, it's only to ask him to pick up something at the store on his way home. (The only time I text dh to get an ETA is when he has drill, because I never know if he's going to be home in time for dinner or if it's going to be a late night and should I go ahead and eat without him.) Dh doesn't pester me when I'm out with friends, either.

    Dh asked BIL about this today. BIL said that all SIL knows is raising kids, cleaning the house and working. Their kids are all adults now (the middle one, mentioned above, is the only one who still lives at home but is rarely around), so she has no little kids to keep her busy anymore. She has no hobbies or interests, so she fixates on BIL (I don't know if I really buy that because she was pulling this shit even when their kids were younger and they had her attention).

    Do you and your spouse call/text when the other is out with friends or doing whatever? Do you know people who do this? Am I the only one who finds this irritating behavior?

  2. #2
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    It would bug the crap out of me if DH was doing this to me, and no way would I do it to him. If he isn't home from work after an hour or so after his shift ends, I will text him if he hasn't texted me, but I usually assume he had a late call during his shift or something. When he used to be gone for the weekend for the reserves, he called each night when he got back to the hotel, when I am gone for scrapbook retreats or whatever, I will call each evening also. Just a check in, how was your day, etc. I like to speak to him each day, but it definitely isn't in a naggy way.

  3. #3
    3:21:44 Peachy's Avatar
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    If it's an overnight trip, just let me know you've arrived safely. Extended trips are different. If he's gone for a week for work training or two or more weeks for military stuff, then he will call once a night or every other night or so to chat and catch up, depending on how busy he is. Never when he's out with friends (barring a true emergency).

  4. #4
    Full Sponsor GiftOfFlavor's Avatar
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    I travel alone to meetings regularly. I'll text DH that I arrived safely, etc. or if something interesting comes up.

    When we're out for the evening with others we usually just text that we arrived safely or on the way home.

    Sometimes I cherish alone time LOL I'm not worried about DH and he doesn't worry about me.

  5. #5
    I'm just here for the lulz. Sarsparilla's Avatar
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    Phone calls would be out of character for us in general. But we are connected digitally constantly. On work days by about 10 am, one of us has sent the other an email and we talk back and forth with each other all day long. Sometimes the string is 50 emails long with jokes and plans and ridiculous nonsense. We often post on the same threads on FB, talking to mutual friends together. If I spend time with friends, I text him when I arrive, keep him posted on my movements and he checks in with me just as often. He has no friends that he sees without me. When I spend the night with my mother, we're constantly texting or FB messaging. He sends a picture of the dog being cute, I tell him how my mother is driving me crazy. We're always together.
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  6. #6
    Wishes reality was like comic books tpatt100's Avatar
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    We just text occasionally but if we are out doing something we only text if it is something important.
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  7. #7
    Moderator Shaena's Avatar
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    My husband is over the road all the time. We have specific times we talk daily morning and afternoon, during my commute, and then usually a good night phonecall. Somedays we talk all day. When either of us are going out, we let each other know. I don't call my husband if he is out with his buddies, and I know it. If I need something from him I text. I don't like being interrupted, during my social time whether with or without him, I won't do it to him either.

  8. #8
    Sitting on the couch eating bon bons! Eli's Avatar
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    DH and I are very similar to you and your DH in this way, Peachy. We may send a text to let one another know where we are or what the plans are, but other than that, I don't feel the need to smother or mother him. I would be really annoyed if I was out and he kept calling me with petty crap or to tell me I needed to come home.



  9. #9
    argh Nansel's Avatar
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    Dh and I are like Sars and M. We almost never phone, but we're in touch all the time with fun or informational stuff.

    The scenario in the OP would not fly for either of us.

  10. #10
    Sitting on the couch eating bon bons! Eli's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nansel View Post
    Dh and I are like Sars and M. We almost never phone, but we're in touch all the time with fun or informational stuff.

    The scenario in the OP would not fly for either of us.
    Yup. DH and I will send each other cute stuff, but calling to demand the other come home or to nag about stuff that's happening at home is a no go.



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