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Thread: Cheating

  1. #11
    Non-praying member Mamapalooza's Avatar
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    It is really humiliating when you eventually learn that you're the classic "last to know". At least it was for me with my ex. And then after I left I had people telling me MORE things I hadn't known. Thanks buddy, but where you all this time?! Those messengers I can live without, they don't actually think you deserve to know that a third person is in your bed so you can proactively protect yourself, they just like adding more shit on the already-flaming shit pile.
    "Wherever in the world much poverty is found, much religion is found also"

  2. #12
    Moderator Pokey's Avatar
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    Pretty much bench everyone.

  3. #13
    I flunked typing coachgrrl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lizzie Beth View Post
    I always tell Dh if he did that he better HOPE I don't find out, because judgment cometh, and that right soon.

    It's not permission, because if I found out from someone else, there would still be scorched earth. I would expect the third party/affair partner to tell me. There would certainly be blame if the messenger was also the affair partner. Doesn't mean my husband wouldn't be blamed more, much more.

    But I don't think I'd just confront him, I'd want to gather proof, expose him, clean out the accounts, have papers drawn up and seriously scare the living Christ out of him. Nothing scarier than a loyal wife who isn't crying and just hands you papers.

  4. #14
    Nihongo dame desu villanelle's Avatar
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    What if your DH/W had an affair--let's say it was short lived and s/he hasn't been in contact with her/him since then--many years ago. Would you still want to know?

    That's where I start to waiver on my "Hell yes, I'd want to know" feelings. Part of me has trouble saying I wouldn't want to know, but deep in my heart, maybe I'd rather not. DH and I are so good now, and I don't know if we'd be better off if something like that came to light all these years later if it's been over and DH seemed to have processed it and fixed whatever lead to it.

  5. #15
    ••••••••••••• niccikatie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    What if your DH/W had an affair--let's say it was short lived and s/he hasn't been in contact with her/him since then--many years ago. Would you still want to know?

    That's where I start to waiver on my "Hell yes, I'd want to know" feelings. Part of me has trouble saying I wouldn't want to know, but deep in my heart, maybe I'd rather not. DH and I are so good now, and I don't know if we'd be better off if something like that came to light all these years later if it's been over and DH seemed to have processed it and fixed whatever lead to it.
    I really don't think I'd want to know in that situation. You're gonna go through hell and if it's been 10+ years or something I don't think it would be worth anything to know. The only way I guess I'd want to know is if *other* people knew and I didn't. I wouldn't want this large-scale secret kept from me. If only DH and the affair partner knew? I'd rather not know.

  6. #16
    Sitting on the couch eating bon bons! Eli's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by niccikatie View Post
    I really don't think I'd want to know in that situation. You're gonna go through hell and if it's been 10+ years or something I don't think it would be worth anything to know. The only way I guess I'd want to know is if *other* people knew and I didn't. I wouldn't want this large-scale secret kept from me. If only DH and the affair partner knew? I'd rather not know.
    This is where I think I am. I also can't say how I would feel or how I might act because I really have no idea. I know many people who always said they would kick the cheating spouse out and file for divorce immediately only to try to work it out after. So I guess you never know for sure until it happens.



  7. #17
    Non-praying member Mamapalooza's Avatar
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    Didn't some old guy do that awhile back -- found out about his wife's affair some 40-odd years prior and left her?

    When you learn something happened 10, 20, 40 years ago that is a LOT of water under the bridge by that point. If it was over and done then ignorance is probably bliss.
    "Wherever in the world much poverty is found, much religion is found also"

  8. #18
    3:21:44 Peachy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mamapalooza View Post
    Didn't some old guy do that awhile back -- found out about his wife's affair some 40-odd years prior and left her?

    When you learn something happened 10, 20, 40 years ago that is a LOT of water under the bridge by that point. If it was over and done then ignorance is probably bliss.
    Yes, they were from Italy, IIRC.

  9. #19
    Moderator Pokey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    What if your DH/W had an affair--let's say it was short lived and s/he hasn't been in contact with her/him since then--many years ago. Would you still want to know?

    That's where I start to waiver on my "Hell yes, I'd want to know" feelings. Part of me has trouble saying I wouldn't want to know, but deep in my heart, maybe I'd rather not. DH and I are so good now, and I don't know if we'd be better off if something like that came to light all these years later if it's been over and DH seemed to have processed it and fixed whatever lead to it.
    I wouldn't want to know at that point either.

  10. #20
    Being it, y'all! Lizzie Beth's Avatar
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    That's what I was thinking, if it was really a one-off/distant past. Then he should live with the guilt and the fear of exposure himself, not burden me with it. My assumption being that if it was really a one-off, he would feel guilty, otherwise there would have been other instances.

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