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Thread: How do I get out of a carpool?

  1. #1
    flipping photos... bettsyboop's Avatar
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    How do I get out of a carpool?

    So, I've been in a carpool with two other moms for about a year now. It started out pretty rocky because of my work schedule when I was traveling more and doing transports I couldn't be as reliable as one of the moms wanted me to. She basically told me either I'm in or out. At that time there were 4 girls in the carpool. This carpool is for the girls to get to soccer practice in Las Vegas - 2 hours away. One of the girls has quit the team so she could play high school. So that took us down to three of us. My daughter is the goalkeeper. Often times last year I would drive my daughter separately because her goalkeeper training wasn't at the same time as the other girls, or different field etc. Since then we have found my daughter two different trainers up here and it is more cost effective for me to keep her here vs. two trips a week to Vegas.

    It is supposed to rotate that every third week you don't have to drive. One mom and I get along well and when one can't go the other will etc. The third mom is not flexible at all. I have a flexible schedule, but probably have the most things that come up with work. The mom that I get along with works mornings and has another kid that plays in Vegas so she will occasionally call me and say she needs to take her son also so she will take my turn. When that happens I give her gas money and try to have Addison buy her a treat at the gas station. The third mom, they own their own business, and it's not a hands on type of thing. She can work remotely if necessary and, well they own it so she can do what she wants.

    However, her daughter is forever bailing on going to practice when it's her turn to drive. Let's see, she's been puking profusely at 3:45 on a Wednesday afternoon (we leave at 4) and then wanted her to ride with us the following day - I vetoed that plan. That day I had an awful sinus headache so I had been in bed all day, so I got out of bed and took the girls. The following week I wasn't supposed to drive to make up for the week before but had to go down for work so I took the girls. Not a thank you nothing. And the past two weeks she has said it's not her turn or since her daughter isn't going twice a week, that doesn't count.

    I have told both moms that moving forward Addison will only be going once a week. I will be happy to take the girls when I'm going down and work into their carpool if needed, but I'm not going twice a week. There is lots of other little stuff, like her never ever offering to take the girls down if she is going down for out of town travel, etc. I chaperone quite a bit, so I am often stuck taking her daughter to California/Arizona and back. I know I've got the room in my car, I know it's no sweat off my nose, but this girl is a brat. I work 24/7 and whenever my phone rings for work, I swear she has to act a fool every single time. She won't buckle up. I have had to pull over a few times on the side of the road and tell her we aren't moving until she buckles up. These girls are all 14/15.

    The other mom that I get along with is in the same boat as I am, she's done.

    How do we kick the other one out?
    Quote Originally Posted by Kimm View Post
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  2. #2
    Premier Sponsor mmeblue's Avatar
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    "Hey guys, I've realized that it's going to work better for me not to participate in the carpool any longer. I'll continue for the next [whatever amount of time is reasonable] but after that I won't be participating." When the one mom asks why, just repeat that it works better for you not to have that commitment on your plate. The good mom will likely use your backing out as an opportunity to do the same.

    Then you and the good mom can make arrangements on a more flexible basis, which it sounds like works better for both of you anyway. No official carpool, just "it worked out this time for me to give her a ride," if you're questioned.

    Does the girl's mom know about the seatbelt thing?

  3. #3
    Nihongo dame desu villanelle's Avatar
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    I agree with Mme. Just drop out, explaining simply that it is starting to feel a bit chaotic and is no longer work for you. GoodMom can follow suit. If the two of you then make a different arrangement that works for you, great.

    OTOH, since BadMom was apparently so abrupt with you earlier, maybe you want to give her the same "in our out" speech. But that takes a spine, which I lack, and it leaves you open to her deciding on "in".

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    I'm just here for the lulz. Sarsparilla's Avatar
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    She basically told me either I'm in or out.
    Bad Mom said this? Or something like? There you go: "Remember when you asked me if I was in or out. I'm out."
    Welcome to Fluffytown. No smoking, no farting, no pillow fights.

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    My Happily Ever After. <3 lilone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    I agree with Mme. Just drop out, explaining simply that it is starting to feel a bit chaotic and is no longer work for you. GoodMom can follow suit. If the two of you then make a different arrangement that works for you, great.

    OTOH, since BadMom was apparently so abrupt with you earlier, maybe you want to give her the same "in our out" speech. But that takes a spine, which I lack, and it leaves you open to her deciding on "in".
    This made me giggle. Bb has balls. And I'd tell also her a quick, "sorry doesn't work for me anymore! I'm out." (Smile of c*nt sauce optional. )
    ~Vicki~

    Moving right along....

  6. #6
    Moderator Pokey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sarsparilla View Post
    Bad Mom said this? Or something like? There you go: "Remember when you asked me if I was in or out. I'm out."
    Yep. I would say exactly this.

  7. #7
    Full Sponsor GiftOfFlavor's Avatar
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    Just go up to Bad mom and look her in the eyes and say "Bad mom, As you know, with carpools one day you're in and the next day you're out.....I'm sorry, Bad mom, but you're out. Aufedersein."

    Then kiss her on both cheeks. She will thank you for the opportunity to be in the carpool and slowly walk away.

    Works for Heidi Klum every week.

  8. #8
    flipping photos... bettsyboop's Avatar
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    I love you guys! I've turned into such a pansy anymore.

    I used to have big balls and said whatever and I feel like now I try to pacify and be more PC and it has made my life so much more stressful.

    Once this weekend is over, I am going to opt out. I can't do it anymore. More crap happened over the weekend that makes me know it's the right decision.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kimm View Post
    Wanna come over? I take Visa, MC, Discover, and Rocky Road.

  9. #9
    Heartless Wench Alice Chalmers's Avatar
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    "I am no longer willing to take responsibility for your daughter when she is unwilling to follow my safety rules. There will be no more chances."

  10. #10
    Moderator purplekitty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sarsparilla View Post
    Bad Mom said this? Or something like? There you go: "Remember when you asked me if I was in or out. I'm out."

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