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Thread: Consequences for bad grades

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    Premier Sponsor Mare's Avatar
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    Consequences for bad grades

    Here we are a little less than a month into school, and my new freshman has 1 F and 1D. A few B- and I think only 2 A's. It's solely because she doesn't turn in work and/or study.

    We have worked with her for years. Literally years on organization. She has ADHD, but refuses to take medication for it. She is on Lexapro for anxiety. She's been to counseling and is non participatory. She's been to organizational classes at school through the counselor. She has a planner.

    I am not really sure what to do at this point. We have grounded her and told her we will not be taking her out to drive (has a permit) until her grades improve. I've told her she will not be going to homecoming in October if they don't improve.

    Do I check her email from school everyday to track assignments? Not all teachers put stuff there. I guess I need to email the teachers and have them send me assignments? I'm at a loss. They will not make IEP type arrangements for her because her final grades have never been that bad.

    What happens is we come down on her like a ton of bricks, her grades come up, then she starts back with the same bad habits. Rinse, repeat.

    We've lectured until we are blue in the face about how grades count now and how college requires good organization and study skills. Nada. She can be organized and can study. I've seen her do it. I really just think she chooses not to.

    Honestly, at this point, I don't even want to pay for college for her. It sounds awful, but I'd rather not waste my money and pay for the kid who seems to give a crap. She doesn't seem overly depressed anymore. She does have anxiety which the medication is for, but she refuses to do counseling to help with coping skills. We've been through 3 counselors. She just doesn't feel she needs them.

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    Hugs Mare - I have one of these too. No amt of yelling is going to help her magically solve her executive function issue. Organization classes only help if they follow up with regular (weekly) checkins. We are fortunate that DD was placed on an IEP in 7th (ADHD/Aspergers/Anxiety). Even with it in place she was in danger of failing chemistry freshman year. The chem teacher was the only one not communicating with the IEP-handler. Her handler is notified if work is late or she has a low grade on her work. He then communicates with me but I don't have to handle anything. He works with my kid and they come up with a solution (when it works) - didn't work for chem. I would push for a re-eval. If things are going poorly this early I would seek help from the school.
    -Chris

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    Full Sponsor TapToTalk's Avatar
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    Mare, she's like many teenagers we know. We have had similar issues with DD2 who is now a junior. Part is maturity, DD2 has a better attitude now than freshman year. For the first time she is getting all her assignments in on time, but, we're watching like hawks to make sure she doesn't slip. Fortunately, all the teachers are pretty diligent about using the online system.

    I know that fighting with DD2 doesn't work. For us, "the ton of bricks" backfires. We had a chat tonight about her lousy math grade; she hates math.

    These are tough years. The right system of carrot and sticks can work. The driving was a big source of leverage last year.

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    Request a 504. They have to do it.
    "You can bomb the world to pieces, but you can't bomb it into peace."



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    Full Sponsor RealCranky's Avatar
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    Yeah, my best leverage was that with bad grades, car insurance was just too expensive.

    Otherwise, you do what you can. You express concern. But really, you are waiting for some maturity to develop, because they have to want to do it.
    nesha ;-)


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    HI! Wise Old Goat's Avatar
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    I don't understand the "they won't do an IEP because her grades are good". IEP's should exist regardless of marks and I would insist on one. Here in Ontario kids who are identified as gifted get an IEP because they are considered to be in special ed - so obviously here marks aren't tied to IEP's (although not all gifted kids get good marks ). If she has been diagnosed with ADHD she should absolutely have accommodations in place.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Old Goat View Post
    I don't understand the "they won't do an IEP because her grades are good". IEP's should exist regardless of marks and I would insist on one. Here in Ontario kids who are identified as gifted get an IEP because they are considered to be in special ed - so obviously here marks aren't tied to IEP's (although not all gifted kids get good marks ). If she has been diagnosed with ADHD she should absolutely have accommodations in place.
    WOG- I heard for years that DD wouldn't get an IEP because she is bright just lazy (on or above grade level for everything). Like many we went through private testing to show her deficiencies. The school also did their own eval, then they pretty much took the information our Neuro/psych provided to create her IEP. The problem in the states is it is so different from district to district as to the support kids receive.
    -Chris

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    Full Sponsor maurinsky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cgdh View Post
    WOG- I heard for years that DD wouldn't get an IEP because she is bright just lazy (on or above grade level for everything). Like many we went through private testing to show her deficiencies. The school also did their own eval, then they pretty much took the information our Neuro/psych provided to create her IEP. The problem in the states is it is so different from district to district as to the support kids receive.

    I have a co-worker who moved to a completely different town so her son, who was dyslexic but performing well, could get services. Sometimes parents have to put up a huge fight for their kid to get services that they need.

    I would say the bad grades are a consequence. I don't think it's unreasonable to limit your contribution to college if she's not going to do the work. Sometimes it takes people longer to figure things out, and the path isn't straight and you have to flounder for a while. But she is just a freshman and maybe she can get her act together.

    Perhaps positive reinforcement would be more motivational? Rather than coming down like a ton of bricks, is there some kind of reward she can get for good grades?

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    Wishes reality was like comic books tpatt100's Avatar
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    I barely graduated high school, looking back it was partially due to ADHD but mostly due to a lack of maturity as well as not liking a classroom environment. If she doesn't change in the coming years and you do have money for college don't feel bad not paying for her to go if you are concerned she will just fail out in the first year.

    Steer her towards a trade skill apprenticeship or save the money for college for later down the road when she is older she seems like she matured more and is ready for college. Looking back I was a bit of a late bloomer, joining the military out of high school was just one way to delay adulthood for me.
    Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't recognize them.


    Ann Landers

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    Infracted Kate's Avatar
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    Alex is the same way and always has been. I've tried every trick to help him learn. Two weeks in and it looks like it's going ok. But we will see.

    I am at a loss. We told him he won't be going away to school at this point and he has accepted that he will do generals at the local tech school and the credits will transfer to our state schools. So if he decides to do school we have that option.

    Has she given any idea of what will help her? Has she driven any of the solutions?
    Michelle

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