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Thread: Consequences for bad grades

  1. #11
    Vicious Trollop Kimm's Avatar
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    Does she have an official diagnosis? If so, I would push for an IEP. With an official diagnosis, I am pretty sure the school is legally required to do it.

    The counselor at Matthew's elementary school actually came to me to offer one. When I talked to her, we decided against it because he always had A's and B's. She said though that she is legally required to offer it if he has a diagnosis.

    And I am right there with you on the college thing. Matthew is extremely smart and extremely lazy. The fact that he has always gotten mostly A's is due to the fact that he just seems to absorb things, not because he actually worked at it. :gg I have already discussed with DH that we will NOT pay for college if he does not make some changes in terms of effort over these 4 years of high school. Fortunately for him, he can go to school for free for two years (Tennessee thing). I will not waste my money on someone who isn't even going to try though. I have my fingers crossed he will mature into it.

  2. #12
    Moderator purplekitty's Avatar
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    I went through this was Cris. I was all about figuring out what his currency was and staying on top of it. It was a long few years. The whole maturing thing was tedious.

    She and you will get through this.

  3. #13
    I flunked typing coachgrrl's Avatar
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    I'm still having ptsd over getting dd thru hs. She is now just working and we are both SO much happier. I hope she will go to cc but it needs to be her decision not mine.

    When you have a time you're connecting well you might want to voice your concerns about college for her.

  4. #14
    Full Sponsor RealCranky's Avatar
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    Youngest dd does not have ADHD or anything besides Stubborn Syndrome.

    She absolutely had to decide for herself that it was important for her to do school.

    I have plenty of chances to restrain myself from saying "I told you so..."
    nesha ;-)


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    Time to storm the Winter Palace...

  5. #15
    Premier Sponsor Mare's Avatar
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    She has an official diagnosis from her pediatrician and the counselors we took her to. We had help from a counselor at school a couple of years ago---they were supposed to work with the teachers, and it helped for awhile, but she always winds up with squeaking out As and Bs and the occasional C by the end of the semesters. She also tests really well. She was put in honors classes because of her high standardized tests. I didn't know that until she started school in August. I would have requested she not be placed in those. The only class she didn't get put in honors was math because last year I had to request she drop out of the advanced and be put in regular class because it was too much for her.

    However, when I requested an "official" plan , I was told she performed well enough that it wasn't necessary, just the extra help a couple of years ago.

    I sent an email to her counselor to discuss the situation with her. I'm so frustrated because although I know it's only a month into the process, I thought she understood that high school was a bigger deal than before as it counted. She wants to do the A+ program where she can get free tuition at the community colleges here in Missouri, totally free, if she maintains a certain gradepoint average and does 50 hours of tutoring. However, she is not off to a good start.

  6. #16
    Moderator Shaena's Avatar
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    My daughter is ASD and School has always been a roller coaster. This is her senior year. And like CG, I feel like a war survivor. In the end no matter what supports are in place, the child has to want it. There was a lot of things we did that she hated and she rebelled by shutting down. Changing our approach and giving her more of a voice, even if I don't always agree with her ideas, has so far been the best thing we have done in 4 years.

    I am already planning for a gap year or even two. I think when she is ready community college may be her best plan.

  7. #17
    Vicious Trollop Kimm's Avatar
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    Mare - I have had the "This really, really matters now" discussion with Matthew over and over (also a freshman). I get the very distinct impression he doesn't give a shit…or maybe thinks I am full of shit. I don't know. He sounds a lot like your daughter. He tests very well (always advanced). His grades are always fine, but he never, ever does one thing beyond the very minimum and he half-asses some of that.

    Of course, he is also convinced that he is going to make his living playing video games. Yes, PLAYING them, not creating them. He participates in all these tournaments and he is now sponsored by this one group which seems fine, except that it seems to be adding credence to the idea he has that he is going to make a fortune doing this.

    My motto now is, "Hey, I really hope that works out for you, but it's my job to make sure you are prepared for Plan B." It is so frustrating. DH actually handles this better than I do because I simply do NOT understand wanting anything less than perfection. I mean, I rarely achieved perfection, but I was always aiming for it. I am pretty sure Matthew is aiming for "just enough to get Mom to shut the hell up."

    I feel your pain.

  8. #18
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    "Well enough it wasn't necessary" was their judgment. Your judgment is she can do better. If you request a 504, with an official diagnosis they can't legally say no. Make sure they know you know that.
    "You can bomb the world to pieces, but you can't bomb it into peace."



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  9. #19
    Vicious Trollop Kimm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by justthinking View Post
    "Well enough it wasn't necessary" was their judgment. Your judgment is she can do better. If you request a 504, with an official diagnosis they can't legally say no. Make sure they know you know that.
    Exactly. I don't think they get to decide that sort of thing legally. I would push.

  10. #20
    argh Nansel's Avatar
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    Dd's high school years were a nightmare for me. She absorbed things, and skated by on whatever didn't sink in. We had so many conversations about "now this matters" and "you have to try". :gg

    It became a bit of a wry joke that every year I had different teachers show up in my office in the school library, and say "So what is wrong with that kid of yours?". She would participate great in class and got along with everyone, but she wouldn't hand in work. By grade 12 I'd just shrug and say that I had been trying and trying to get her to take things seriously, but it had been fruitless. She graduated with a C average never having actually failed a course, she always did just enough to not.

    She took a gap year, and realized that retail wasn't where she wanted to spend her life. University was something she now wanted to do, not just something she should do because it's after high school and mom and dad say she should. She is now in her third year, and has been getting good marks. Not top marks, but consistent As and Bs. She's paying her tuition herself, which I think helps add to her sense of ownership.

    Which is I guess a long-winded way of saying "I feel your pain".

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