My inlaws now live in Texas. They moved there in order to be hands-on grandparents. Not daily nannies, but active, interested grandparents. However, there are some big problems. Well, two big problems. My BIL and SIL are terrible parents. No, not social services terrible. But indulgent, never-say-no, inconsistent, spoiling their children rotten parents. Material goods aside, and that's taking a great deal to shove them aside as there are A GREAT MANY material goods, they are pretty much fucking up their oldest son.
I've been telling my inlaws that school would help MJ (the spoilt 4 year old in question), but they've sent him to a super-fancy private school that doesn't want to tell the parents anything negative for fear of losing the astronomical tuition they pay. I thought also that the advent of baby #2 (and soon #3) would help, but the two boys are very different in personality and the indulgence of the two year old has soured him not at all, while the 4 year gets worse all the time. He tantrums, he whines, he cries, he cannot bear anything that isn't Exactly As He Wants It.
So no one can change how he is being parented. What we're looking for is how to teach MJ that THAT BEHAVIOR is not acceptable at or with his grandparents or aunt and uncle. I had a similar issue with my youngest nephew, but it manifested at 9 and was about anger and backtalk and it was pretty easy, really to just reason with him.
Any ideas are welcome as is commiseration in all its forms.