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Thread: All right, all you parenting experts! Help a girl out.

  1. #11
    Moderator purplekitty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mamapalooza View Post
    My 4 year old g'son has a full time sitter in addition to his mom, both of which have different boundaries from us. We do lay down the law on certain things when he's here (2 weeks just recently) but it's a constant process and to be honest I have no illusions that anything really sticks once he's back home. At the end of the day I accept that he is not our child to raise. If I see something that alarms me because I see my daughter struggle, I address it with her, carefully. But for the most part I accept that my influence is minimal and I tend to keep my opinions to myself unless solicited.
    This is how I am with my grandchildren and my nieces. There really isn't anything else you can do.

    I have certain rules and expectations in my house and when they are with me, they are expected to follow them. But once they go home, or when I'm in their house, I just keep my mouth shut because it's not my business and I have no influence there.

  2. #12
    I'm just here for the lulz. Sarsparilla's Avatar
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    Right now we're all just trying to figure out how to tolerate the child. He's horrible to be around.
    Welcome to Fluffytown. No smoking, no farting, no pillow fights.

  3. #13
    Non-praying member Mamapalooza's Avatar
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    I feel sorry for the little guy and I don't even know him. It's hell when you get constant mixed messages and inconsistent behavior from someone even as an adult. A four year old doesn't stand a chance in figuring it all out.
    "Wherever in the world much poverty is found, much religion is found also"

  4. #14
    HI! Wise Old Goat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sarsparilla View Post
    Right now we're all just trying to figure out how to tolerate the child. He's horrible to be around.
    I wouldn't bother . I'd hate to find my grandchild miserable but I also wouldn't want to spend time without a miserable brat . I wonder if peer pressure will eventually correct his behaviour? Because his class mates won't put up with that shit for long.

  5. #15
    Moderator purplekitty's Avatar
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    Oh, that's so sad and too bad for your in-laws, Sars.

  6. #16
    My Happily Ever After. <3 lilone's Avatar
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    At four, you can matter of fact tell him flat out that you're not listening to him whine. It's annoying and unpleasant... he can go sit somewhere else (hell call it the whining spot) until he's ready to knock it off. When he's done you'll be prepared to do x, y or z with him.

    Logic consequences. ... when you're a pain in the ass you spend time by yourself and miss out on fun stuff.
    ~Vicki~

    Moving right along....

  7. #17
    Where's the horse? Nikki's Avatar
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    What I've found to be effective is to set the limits/expectations for when the kid is with me. Usually - at the beginning - there is some push back (and ramping up of behavior) as the kid tries to get their way. But when you're consistent - the kid comes around. Kids can understand that the rules here are xyz (even if they're not that way at home).

    The harder part is, imo, likely to be the parents.

    If the parents try to undermine you and your inlaws and take issue with you setting/enforcing rules for the child then it's going to be that much harder.

    My nephew use to come over to my house and when he got upset with me over not letting him do something he'd want to call his mom - luckily I knew my sister well enough to know that she'd back me up...including the decision to not let him call and bother her at work whining over how mean I was being and hounding her to make me give in.
    Mom to Taylor (22), Katie (19), Ben (16) & Grace (13)


  8. #18
    Moderator purplekitty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nikki View Post
    My nephew use to come over to my house and when he got upset with me over not letting him do something he'd want to call his mom - luckily I knew my sister well enough to know that she'd back me up...including the decision to not let him call and bother her at work whining over how mean I was being and hounding her to make me give in.
    Yes! I've had both my grandchildren and my nieces do this to me!

    I remember years ago, my oldest grandson said, "I'm going to tell my mom on you." And I said, "well, you go right ahead because grandpa is your mom's dad, so she can't tell him what to do." And my grandson was like "No, he isn't!"



  9. #19
    Moderator Pokey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lilone View Post
    At four, you can matter of fact tell him flat out that you're not listening to him whine. It's annoying and unpleasant... he can go sit somewhere else (hell call it the whining spot) until he's ready to knock it off. When he's done you'll be prepared to do x, y or z with him.

    Logic consequences. ... when you're a pain in the ass you spend time by yourself and miss out on fun stuff.
    I agree, and I would absolutely employee this strategy when your nephew is with you guys, even if his hapless parents are also there. This is what I did when my nieces were visiting.

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