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Thread: Our new foster teen and the three letter word!

  1. #41
    My Happily Ever After. <3 lilone's Avatar
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    The male bc pill is coming out soon, right?
    ~Vicki~

    Moving right along....

  2. #42
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    I have a 14yo girl and a 17yo girl. I would hope I would be thankful that someone was brave enough to wake me up to what my daughter was doing.

    Does the foster system give you any guidance or suggestions?
    -Chris

  3. #43
    Moderator purplekitty's Avatar
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    It's got nothing to do with bravery. Sheesh.

  4. #44
    "All The Way May" May27JnJ's Avatar
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    cgdh - I hear what you're saying and I'd like to think that to for my own daughters. However, I believe it would terminate the relationship and would lose trust that we're working so hard to build with our FS.

    My husband actually mentioned talking to him and his girlfriend together. Our FS wasn't excited about the idea, but when I told him that the other option was talking to her mom he agreed to us talking to them immediately. I'm still uncomfortable with it because it's behind her moms back, but it's obvious she's not having frank discussions with her daughter. I will encourage his girlfriend to talk to her mom.

    I consider myself pretty brave, but the thought of telling someones mother that my FS "deflowered" her makes me freak out a little...a lot!

  5. #45
    Premier Sponsor Peanut's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cgdh View Post
    I have a 14yo girl and a 17yo girl. I would hope I would be thankful that someone was brave enough to wake me up to what my daughter was doing.
    I would also want to know, but that doesn't seem to be the case in this situation. There is apparently quite a bit of animosity toward FS coming from the girl's mom...not exactly the sort of situation I would want to confront head-on, considering the mother already has a negative impression of FS.

  6. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by May27JnJ View Post
    cgdh - I hear what you're saying and I'd like to think that to for my own daughters. However, I believe it would terminate the relationship and would lose trust that we're working so hard to build with our FS.

    My husband actually mentioned talking to him and his girlfriend together. Our FS wasn't excited about the idea, but when I told him that the other option was talking to her mom he agreed to us talking to them immediately. I'm still uncomfortable with it because it's behind her moms back, but it's obvious she's not having frank discussions with her daughter. I will encourage his girlfriend to talk to her mom.

    I consider myself pretty brave, but the thought of telling someones mother that my FS "deflowered" her makes me freak out a little...a lot!
    I consider you rather brave too - you are having great conversations with your FS and you are willing to talk to the girlfriend too. Your relationship with your FS is very important and you are doing a great job nurturing that. You certainly need to take into account how the other parent may respond. You would hope that they can see their kid has a part in it too - so it isn't just your FS "deflowering" their DD. I think your plan to talk to your FS and his girlfriend is a great solution and one that FS agrees with, which is important for his future trust.
    -Chris

  7. #47
    Ellaria Niobe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by May27JnJ View Post
    cgdh - I hear what you're saying and I'd like to think that to for my own daughters. However, I believe it would terminate the relationship and would lose trust that we're working so hard to build with our FS.

    My husband actually mentioned talking to him and his girlfriend together. Our FS wasn't excited about the idea, but when I told him that the other option was talking to her mom he agreed to us talking to them immediately. I'm still uncomfortable with it because it's behind her moms back, but it's obvious she's not having frank discussions with her daughter. I will encourage his girlfriend to talk to her mom.

    I consider myself pretty brave, but the thought of telling someones mother that my FS "deflowered" her makes me freak out a little...a lot!
    She's a sexually mature person exploring that maturity, and needs guidance. If her mother is failing her, I think it's good of you to step up. It takes a village, right?
    I solemnly swear the words in this post are mine own, and not the work of any third party, corporeal or otherwise, unless they are quoted with citation.

  8. #48
    "All The Way May" May27JnJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cgdh View Post
    You would hope that they can see their kid has a part in it too - so it isn't just your FS "deflowering" their DD.
    Sadly, most of the time foster kids (especially teens) are "labeled". They know *most* of his history I'm sure it would fall all on him.

  9. #49
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    My concern about having her get on the pill is the same as Plan B, can she be trusted to take it (either because she would forget or lie and say she's taking it)? If it's used as a second form of BC, then that's definitely better than nothing, but I think it would give them a false sense of security. It would also probably make it easier for her to convince him not to use a condom.

  10. #50
    "All The Way May" May27JnJ's Avatar
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    Right. It would be no different then us knowing he's using protection too. The whole thing makes me nervous. We told him we're not raising a baby and we're too young to be grandparents.

    I think the best solution right now is to keep them in our sight and with us. It's obvious her mom isn't watching.

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