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Thread: Our new foster teen and the three letter word!

  1. #21
    "All The Way May" May27JnJ's Avatar
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    I've told him that I wish he wouldn't have sex, but that I can't stop him. And since he's doing it...here are some condoms. The social workers have given him condoms and female condoms. He says he wants to take her to the health dept. for birth control. I don't know how I'd feel about taking her. If her mom knew and refused to take her, yes. But not if she doesn't know.

    I also worry about him not coming to me again if I break that trust. He doesn't trust easily after being in multiple placements and group homes. We've been the most consistent "family" he's had the past 2 years.

  2. #22
    "All The Way May" May27JnJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Niobe View Post
    Have you checked the laws in your state to make sure he's not at risk of any criminal charges, with her being only 14?
    18 years or older could face charges. OR if the person is three years or more older than the other.

  3. #23
    Moderator purplekitty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by May27JnJ View Post
    I've told him that I wish he wouldn't have sex, but that I can't stop him. And since he's doing it...here are some condoms. The social workers have given him condoms and female condoms. He says he wants to take her to the health dept. for birth control. I don't know how I'd feel about taking her. If her mom knew and refused to take her, yes. But not if she doesn't know.

    I also worry about him not coming to me again if I break that trust. He doesn't trust easily after being in multiple placements and group homes. We've been the most consistent "family" he's had the past 2 years.
    I gave my son and his gf the information about how to go about getting birth control for her and then left it up to them to arrange to get it. In my case, though, they were 19 and 16 at the time.

    Not everyone agrees with me, but I don't think there's anything wrong with giving her the information. She NEEDS to know her options, particularly since she's already sexually active.

  4. #24
    Let's take a trip to the stars Steffy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by purplekitty View Post
    Maybe that mother should be having a talk with her own daughter. :brow

    Now, even though I wouldn't be the one to approach the mother, I'd have no qualms with discussing anything with the girl (like the importance of using birth control and the lifetime consequences of unintended pregnancy) and/or encouraging her to talk to her mother about it.
    This.

  5. #25
    Being it, y'all! Lizzie Beth's Avatar
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    Oh, jeez.. I would hate to be relying on just condoms. They need some more effective options..

  6. #26
    "All The Way May" May27JnJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lizzie Beth View Post
    Oh, jeez.. I would hate to be relying on just condoms. They need some more effective options..
    That's what he says. He said he doesn't want the condom to break so he wants Plan B just in case. He also told us that the condoms that his former foster parent gave him didn't fit properly. So I'm not sure if these are just excuses for not wearing one or what. We've talked to him a lot about what can happen when you're not protected. It's also included a graphic slide show of what his junk could look like. He was all .

    What other options are there other than condoms, birth control (that she's not on), or abstinence?

  7. #27
    Moderator purplekitty's Avatar
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    You need to impress it upon him that IF she ends up pregnant, HE can't control whether or not she actually takes Plan B. He will be stuck with whatever decision she makes. And even though he's madly in love with her and is going to marry her eventually, a baby right now will make his life seriously more difficult and he'll have an 18+ year responsibility that he can't just make go away.

    Honestly, the more I think about the situation, the more I think she needs to get on some type of birth control. And that doesn't mean he wouldn't still need to use condoms. Both should be using birth control.

  8. #28
    I'll take the crust in peace. Kasi's Avatar
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    My DD's Dr told her she could always go to him, with or without my approval/knowledge. She always had my approval/permission anyway though. I put her on BC as soon as she was willing to take it.

    Is there a way she can get to a clinic? I'd take her myself if I had to. I've taken a friend of DD's before.

  9. #29
    "All The Way May" May27JnJ's Avatar
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    Here's what my thought is. He'll have condoms IF he needs them. But they will be with us. If he goes to her house, we're staying there too. It's obvious that her mom is not keeping an eye on them even though she told me they're never alone. She said she sends her younger children to "watch them".

    I think it's great that they're trusting a kid that's never had anyone trust him as much as they are, but it's time to wake up.

    I do have two younger daughters. I'd want to know, but my hope is that they'll be talking to me so that their boyfriends mom doesn't feel she needs to.

  10. #30
    I'll take the crust in peace. Kasi's Avatar
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    There are gels and inserts.

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