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Thread: Sports Parents

  1. #1
    Premier Sponsor Mare's Avatar
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    Sports Parents

    Need some advice...

    My DD14 is on the 8th grade volleyball team at school. She played last year and was a starter. Not the best player, not the worst for sure. Decent. She made the team this year and is not a starter. OK. That happens. She needs to up her game and try harder. I get that.

    They are using a 6-2 rotation this year, and the girls are not getting it. It's very frustrating to watch. The coach always plays the same 6 starters, and only rotates to settle down one of the starters. I've heard that is not unusual. They have won 0 games this year so far, and only one set. They are by far the worst team that I've seen. We had a tournament this weekend, and it's very obvious. The team last year was much better, and most of the same girls are on the team.

    My frustrations are these:
    1. Is it normal not to play most girls on the team? There are 15 girls and some have never played. My DD has been in a total of maybe 5 minutes. She has completely lost all confidence in herself, and cries after each game. She hates it. She knows she can't be a quitter, but I don't know how to help her.

    2. The 8th grade girls won 0 games last year. None. DD says only the starter scrimage in practice. The bench sitters don't. She doesn't know the rotation. But, how to learn the rotation if you don't practice? Is that typical to not scrimage all players?
    3. The coach told my DD she is lazy and self centered. While that can be true at home for sure, I've watched her, she is not lazy in practice. She has lost confidence this year.

    She wants to try out with her friend for a club team. All I know about club play is that it's very expensive---about $2500. I don't know if they play all the girls if they get on the team or not in club play.

    I am frustrated because you can't get better unless you play, but the coach only plays less than 1/2 the team. DD did play on a recreational league with a core group of girls last winter and spring. They weren't too bad and had a lot of fun.

  2. #2
    argh Nansel's Avatar
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    Sports Parents

    Your daughter's experience is not unfamiliar to me. . Dd played high school volleyball from grade 8-11 and every year was a drama fled nightmare. Partly because the girls who played it at her school were drama filled nightmares, and the rest because so were the all of the coaches.

    I heard from parents I knew that club was even worse, with the added fun that they paid major bucks for it. One friend dd's played two years of club and never played one point in a game, even in tournaments they had travelled hours to get to and paid hundreds of dollars for hotels, etc.

    I was so happy dd liked basketball better - the girls there were more serious jocks who were less worried about how their spandex shorts looked and being bitchy to each other, and more into sweating, playing, working hard and having fun.

  3. #3
    Heartless Wench Alice Chalmers's Avatar
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    I don't think it's "quitting" when you are not being treated as part of the team. Obligation goes both ways.

  4. #4
    argh Nansel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alice Chalmers View Post
    I don't think it's "quitting" when you are not being treated as part of the team. Obligation goes both ways.
    Totally.

    My dd's self confidence took a big hit from her experience. I encouraged her to quit, and that's not something I generally do. But it became obvious that nothing she did was going to make a difference in how she was treated. There does come a time to cut your losses and find a group that doesn't make you cry and feel like dirt on a regular basis.

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    Vicious Trollop Kimm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alice Chalmers View Post
    I don't think it's "quitting" when you are not being treated as part of the team. Obligation goes both ways.
    Yeah. I don't know much about it, but I do know I would let my kid quit in those circumstances.

  6. #6
    Where's the horse? Nikki's Avatar
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    That's a bad coach. :gg

    Only the starters scrimmage?

    What's the reason for that? The second string needs the practice and that's exactly when they need to play.

    It's not fair to the girls who are there to learn & play...if not at all the games then at practice.

    And it's bad for the team if a coach only focus' on/develops the 1st string. You want a strong bench. You want to be able to give your starters a break (and too much focus/pressure/playing on them can lead to higher risk of injuries). Plus it pushes the girls all to work harder when they know there are others on the team all working hard for play time. And it builds a team atmosphere vs a "starters" and "everyone else" environment.

    Plus what the coach is doing isn't working. They aren't winning (which is usually the coaches excuse for only playing the 1st string...if he doesn't they won't win).

    If my kid joined a sport and wasn't even able to play in a scrimmage *at practice* and she was miserable I'd have no problem letting her quit.

    She's willing to do the work & wants to learn...but the coach isn't allowing it. And it's supposed to be fun.
    Mom to Taylor (22), Katie (19), Ben (16) & Grace (13)


  7. #7
    Where's the horse? Nikki's Avatar
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    Oh and as for club play...you really need to check it out first. There is such a wide range on how club programs are run and the attitude & atmosphere they create. And they are expensive.

    It could be a good move for her or it could be just as bad...if not worse.
    Mom to Taylor (22), Katie (19), Ben (16) & Grace (13)


  8. #8
    Moderator purplekitty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alice Chalmers View Post
    I don't think it's "quitting" when you are not being treated as part of the team. Obligation goes both ways.
    I agree.

    We had a similar experience with Zach and a travel soccer team. After traveling all over the state to watch the team play, and watch my son sit on the bench, frustrated and upset and wanting to quit, I finally said 'enough is enough.'

    I'd think you can check with the club league about your questions before you commit and shell out any money?

  9. #9
    Moderator jen's Avatar
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    For $2500, they should be training with Olympians. That wouldn't even be an option either. I'd let her quit if she wanted, as well.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nikki View Post
    That's a bad coach. :gg

    Only the starters scrimmage?

    What's the reason for that? The second string needs the practice and that's exactly when they need to play.

    It's not fair to the girls who are there to learn & play...if not at all the games then at practice.

    And it's bad for the team if a coach only focus' on/develops the 1st string. You want a strong bench. You want to be able to give your starters a break (and too much focus/pressure/playing on them can lead to higher risk of injuries). Plus it pushes the girls all to work harder when they know there are others on the team all working hard for play time. And it builds a team atmosphere vs a "starters" and "everyone else" environment.

    Plus what the coach is doing isn't working. They aren't winning (which is usually the coaches excuse for only playing the 1st string...if he doesn't they won't win).

    If my kid joined a sport and wasn't even able to play in a scrimmage *at practice* and she was miserable I'd have no problem letting her quit.

    She's willing to do the work & wants to learn...but the coach isn't allowing it. And it's supposed to be fun.
    I agree with all of this, though I'm not a sports parent. I am a sports sister, I guess, and my sis used to coach volleyball.

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