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Drama and the 8 year old girl

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  • Drama and the 8 year old girl

    How do you know if something is normal or not? Seriously, my DD is so dramatic about absolutely everything that it's exhausting to be around her much of the time.

    We went through ADHD evaluation, and while she was borderline, we elected to try medication this summer to see if it helped some of her behaviors. She's been on Concerta since June. It does help during the day, but the rebound effect at 6pm or so can be really ugly at times.

    She cried just now because we were out of something she wanted for breakfast. The other evening, she had a 30 minute or more meltdown about a variety of things, little of which made sense. She has this huge persecution complex that is nothing more than normal, everyday living issues. Girls are mean to her (yet I see her playing with them at daycare and she often doesn't want to stop playing to go home), her room isn't decorated like she wants and we won't go out right now and start redecorating it. She wants a cell phone and we are the meanest parents ever for not getting her one.

    I honestly don't like her much of the time, I'm ashamed to admit. As she's my oldest, I have no idea what's normal and what isn't. I've heard other people say their kids of a similar age, particularly girls, have a lot of the same issues. DD is an absolute peach when she's with someone else. I've talked to our neighbor who has a 10 year old, and she says the same thing about her DD. She is a terror at home, but when her DD has been over at our house, she's wonderful. Vice versa for my DD and being at her house.

    I don't understand why others get the pleasant kid and we get the Mr. Hyde.

    I guess what I'm asking is how do you know what is normal and what needs intervention? DD has another ADHD and medication evaluation in October, but that is done with our pediatrician and not through a child psychologist.

    I don't want to send her to a psychologist and have her think that something is "wrong" with her when it may be my inability to cope, ykwim? She already has some of those feelings from being on medication. She often brings up that she "flunked" kindergarten when all we did was have her wait a year because she was not ready to sit in a classroom all day (and she has a birthday 11 days before our state cutoff date anyway).

    She's always been a really intense, hyper and dramatic child. As she's gotten older, the drama has been getting more complex and more difficult for me to deal with. The 3 year old tantrums were pieces of cake compared to the seemingly emotional angst.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Mare View Post
    She cried just now because we were out of something she wanted for breakfast.
    Originally posted by Mare View Post
    Girls are mean to her (yet I see her playing with them at daycare and she often doesn't want to stop playing to go home), her room isn't decorated like she wants and we won't go out right now and start redecorating it. She wants a cell phone and we are the meanest parents ever for not getting her one.
    I hope that's all normal. You just described my daughter. She just turned nine.

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    • #3
      I'm so sorry, I didn't want to read and not post but I have no advise just
      Shelley, mother, wife, sister, friend.


      Comment


      • #4
        Look up General Anxiety Disorder in Children on the internet. See if symptoms fit for your daughter. If so - when you have your eval in October - talk to your doctor about it.

        There are also lots of non-medicating behavior modifications we, as parents, can do to help reduce the symptoms in our kids. There is a book out called "The Nutured Heart" - and it's approach deals with kids that have symptoms like ours, and how we, as parents, can deal with and modify their behavior by our reaction.

        Look it up on Amazon and read the reviews. It might be something you'd be interested in.

        Some reviews on Amazon are at the bottom of this link.

        http://www.amazon.com/Transforming-D.../dp/0967050707

        I'm sorry, Mare. I have an 8 year old with issues, too. It's tough stuff, and makes the days seem really, really long sometimes.

        sigpic

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        • #5
          I'm sorry. I REALLY think that we over-medicate our kids now. I know that my youngest is 16. He had an eating disorder for years, so I realize you can't always just tell them to 'shape up',
          Go ahead and send her to a psychoogist. I had absolutely NO problem with telling youngest there was something wrong with him. There WAS something wrong with him. He knew it, we knew it. Get her help.

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          • #6
            If you want to medicate, I would try Vyvanse, it was approved for children before it was approved for adults. It metabolizes in the liver instead of the stomach, it is a reformulation of Adderal XR. I take it and I do not have any highs or lows. I have taken other ADHD meds and the crashes can be horrific and cause very strong emotional responses. This med does not at all.
            "Concerning the gods, I have no means of knowing whether they exist or not or of what sort they may be, because of the obscurity of the subject, and the brevity of human life." ~ On The Gods ~ Protagoras

            Chris: What do you do at a Young Republicans meeting?
            Alyssa: We help those who already have the means to help themselves. Also, we perpetuate the idea that Jesus chose America to destroy non-believers and brown people.
            Chris: I don't know why, but I feel safer already.

            Comment


            • #7
              What behaviors has the Concerta helped? Have any behaviors gotten worse since the meds? And what is the 'rebound effect' that you speak of?

              If it disrupting your relationship with her, and her feelings of herself, I would get an eval by a psychologist or a psychiatrist. They may even change or discontinue her current med after a more complete evaluation.

              Hugs to you. I can tell this is hard for you.

              Comment


              • #8
                You just described my 8 yr old DD.

                I have the same feelings that you have about her. When she's being my nice sweet girl, she's a doll but that can change in 1 second. I think it's just hormones. My DH wants me to get her tested for ADHD but this is the way she has always been. Very hyper, dramatic and over bearing at times. She doesn't have problems at school or when she's with anyone but me so I think it's just that mom-daughter thing. I don't fight with her over little things like rolling her eyes and try to listen when she's being over dramatic so I can explain that it really isn't the end of the world.

                Lord help us when she starts with PMS!!!!
                The reason we know "W" wasn't behind 9-11...
                It worked!

                Comment


                • #9
                  My 8 year old daughter can turn into a monster sometimes.

                  One thing that has helped, for us (and it may just be her), was making sure she eats protein at regular times during the day. If she comes home from school and has just a carbohydrate type snack she will crash at around 5 and become a lunatic.

                  I took her in to our ped a two years ago to have her blood sugar checked, and it was normal. I think it's the combination of eight-year-old-girl drama and a sensitivity to carbohydrates. It's just my own theory but I see the difference so clearly in her when she doesn't have the right snacks.
                  Karen

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Ike View Post
                    My 8 year old daughter can turn into a monster sometimes.

                    One thing that has helped, for us (and it may just be her), was making sure she eats protein at regular times during the day. If she comes home from school and has just a carbohydrate type snack she will crash at around 5 and become a lunatic.

                    I took her in to our ped a two years ago to have her blood sugar checked, and it was normal. I think it's the combination of eight-year-old-girl drama and a sensitivity to carbohydrates. It's just my own theory but I see the difference so clearly in her when she doesn't have the right snacks.
                    I agree with this. My daughter is a carbohydrate addict, and it's a huge struggle to get her to eat anything with protein. I think that's a big part of her problems.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      What dose Concerta is she on? If it's a lower dose, you could always try increasing it. We started my 8 year old DS on the lowest dose last summer, and now he's up to 36. He has similar behaviors as your DD, and increasing his dose has really helped him. With him being more active this summer, I think his body just out grew the 27 dosage.
                      Tiffany

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                      • #12
                        One of my sons has ADD, the inattentive version of ADHD.

                        Originally posted by Mare View Post
                        It does help during the day, but the rebound effect at 6pm or so can be really ugly at times...
                        That can be sorted out by a medication adjustment, so if you feel that the med is helping her that might be the way to go.

                        Originally posted by Mare View Post
                        I don't want to send her to a psychologist and have her think that something is "wrong" with her
                        I had this worry too, with my son. But he already knew deep down that something was wrong, just like your DD seems to know when she mentioned that she flunked Kindergarten.

                        A psychologist can give you a broader range of testing and a more complete diagnosis. DS went to both his pediatrician and a very nice psychologist for his diagnosis. They were both kind and sweet with him and he actually enjoyed the testing day.

                        We spoke about his difficulties with him and explained that he is not "stupid", which is what he thought, just that his brain is wired differently. It has helped for him to hear that Michael Phelps also struggles with ADHD and yet is a successful person.

                        Originally posted by Meadow_S View Post
                        If you want to medicate, I would try Vyvanse, it was approved for children before it was approved for adults. It metabolizes in the liver instead of the stomach, it is a reformulation of Adderal XR. I take it and I do not have any highs or lows. I have taken other ADHD meds and the crashes can be horrific and cause very strong emotional responses. This med does not at all.
                        My son takes Vyvanse and it is a very gentle med, at least for him. He showed no improvement on Ritalin but did on Vyvanse. It is also not possible for Vyvanse to be used any other way except by mouth (it is a "pro-drug" and requires digestion to activate it) and so the potential for abuse by anyone else is less.

                        Best of luck to you both!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          That sounds just like my DD, who will be 9 in November. We started the Feingold diet in February and I saw a huge change in her. She still has her moments, but they are much less often.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Cookie View Post
                            One of my sons has ADD, the inattentive version of ADHD.


                            That can be sorted out by a medication adjustment, so if you feel that the med is helping her that might be the way to go.


                            I had this worry too, with my son. But he already knew deep down that something was wrong, just like your DD seems to know when she mentioned that she flunked Kindergarten.

                            A psychologist can give you a broader range of testing and a more complete diagnosis. DS went to both his pediatrician and a very nice psychologist for his diagnosis. They were both kind and sweet with him and he actually enjoyed the testing day.

                            We spoke about his difficulties with him and explained that he is not "stupid", which is what he thought, just that his brain is wired differently. It has helped for him to hear that Michael Phelps also struggles with ADHD and yet is a successful person.


                            My son takes Vyvanse and it is a very gentle med, at least for him. He showed no improvement on Ritalin but did on Vyvanse. It is also not possible for Vyvanse to be used any other way except by mouth (it is a "pro-drug" and requires digestion to activate it) and so the potential for abuse by anyone else is less.

                            Best of luck to you both!
                            Oh I know I have taken it for 6 months now. The potential for the one who suffers from ADHD to become addicted is lessened as well, thanks to the not having the highs and the lows. I never feel speedy on this med, it is great.
                            "Concerning the gods, I have no means of knowing whether they exist or not or of what sort they may be, because of the obscurity of the subject, and the brevity of human life." ~ On The Gods ~ Protagoras

                            Chris: What do you do at a Young Republicans meeting?
                            Alyssa: We help those who already have the means to help themselves. Also, we perpetuate the idea that Jesus chose America to destroy non-believers and brown people.
                            Chris: I don't know why, but I feel safer already.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              She started out on the 18mg of Concerta. It didn't seem to help, and we tried 36mg. That was too much, and the 27mg seems to work well.

                              She started having problems in school last year with inattentiveness and impulsivity. The primary behaviors that deteriorated over the school year were "not following directions" and "self control". She would either drift off and not be listening to what was going on, or else she cannot stop herself from getting involved with things that were unrelated to what she was supposed to be doing.

                              We knew that as she gets older, they expect more and more in class, and we decided to try the medication to see if it helped. Of course, I don't have her in a school setting, but at home during the day on the medication, we've noticed that she is calmer and not bouncing off the walls. She doesn't flit from one thing to another, and the outbursts seem better. Except, of course, at night when the medication wears off. Concerta lasts for about 12 hours.

                              I hate, hate, hate medicating her, but my primary concern is her doing well in school. I don't want her to be labeled as a "problem kid" because she can't control her impulsivity and tendency to blurt and talk when she's not supposed to. Last year and in kindergarten, the teachers had to isolate her away from other kids much of the time so she could get her work done. She's very smart, and that may be part of the problem (being bored), but school only gets harder as one gets older. She already has decided she hates math and is horrible at it simply because she has to try at it whereas with everything else, it's very easy for her. She reads at a very advanced level for a 2nd grader.

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